Mike's Musings

Anne Rice Update

2010-08-08T12:52:00.000-05:00

This morning in church the pastor shared a letter that Anne Rice had posted on Facebook this past week. She is the author of many popular novels like "Interview with a Vampire" and had returned to her Catholic faith a number of years ago. Now, it seemed she was leaving Christianity. She is still a follower of Christ, but chooses to not be associated with Christianity as an organized religion. Since I wrote a short article on her conversion back in 2006, I thought it would be appropriate for me to share some thoughts on this most recent development.

The crucial element for me is that Anne Rice is leaving the church and not Christ. She still sees herself as a follower of Jesus and I would tend to agree with her. Our faith is not built on any one particular denomination, doctrine or creed. It is built on Christ and on Him alone. At the same time, as a follower of Christ, myself, I find it hard to imagine not living in fellowship with my fellow Christians. While it is true that our faith is built on Christ and on Him alone, we need our fellow Christians to help up grow in Christ. In Matthew 22:34-39, Jesus says the greatest thing we can do as Christians, indeed as human beings, is to love God and love each other as we love ourselves. The pharisees asked Him for a single commandment, and though it may seem like He gave them 3 (love God, love each other, love ourselves), these elements are so interconnected in His mind that He could not separate one from the other. Our love for God is shown in our love for others and we cannot show others what we do not have for ourselves.

So, my point is that we, as followers of Christ, need each other. I have tried living the Christian life myself and failed totally. It is not something I would recommend for anyone. The Christian life is not meant to be lived alone. It is meant to be lived in community with God and with His people. That is the only way it can really work. As for Anne Rice, I do believe she is still among the redeemed. I hope and pray that, even though she has left Christianity as a whole, she will find fellow followers of Christ who she can fellowship with and grow with in Christ. Many of her books, I have read and enjoyed, especially those she wrote after her conversion. I look forward to reading many more. Keep writing and following Christ, Anne, you are in my prayers. May God bless you in your journey.

Meaningful Words (06/12/10)

2010-06-12T22:24:00.000-05:00

Thinking about my life thus far also makes me thankful for all those who have invested in me over the years. Many of you know that my parents are helping me finance my further schooling. At first I felt guilty about being 33 years old and still needing money from my parents. Then I shared my feelings with my father. He responded that the money he and my mother are giving me I would have eventually inherited anyway. Yet that would be many years down the road, once they had both passed away. Instead of waiting till then, they wanted to give it to me now, gradually, so that they would be able to guide me in how I used it. So, in a way, I am presently receiving my inheritance already. They continue to support me in many more ways than just financial. For that, I thank you!

Here are a few poems that speak to me of legacy and inheritance:

We Are One

For you are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus. For all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free man, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus.

-Galations 3:27-28

We are one in the Spirit; we are one in the Lord

And we pray that our unity would one day be restored

And they’ll know we are Christians by our love, by our love

And they’ll know we are Christians by our love.

We, Your children, have suffered injustice

We, Your children look to you for justice

Yet when we look deeper we find ourselves perplexed

For we see within ourselves the perpetrator of this affront

You created each of us unique

And we have tried to be all the same

You made us black, white, red, yellow

And we have tried to be gray

We have denied the very nature of our being as the image of God

And embraced our sinful dust essence.

You created all of us equal

And we have made inequality the rule.

Forgive us, O Lord

We have sinned against You and against each other.

Enable us to forgive each other.

Unify us by the power of the blood of Your Son

May we be servants of Thy peace,

Sowing unity where there is division,

Sowing reconciliation where there is racism

Sowing love where there is hatred

We repent, Abba.

Have mercy on us.

Transform our hearts.

Make us the people You desire us to be

And may we be one in You.

We are one in the Spirit; we are one in the Lord

And we pray that our unity would one day be restored

And they’ll know we are Christians by our love, by our love

And they’ll know we are Christians by our love.

All praise to the Father from Whom all things come,

And all praise to the Spirit Who makes us one,

And all praise to Christ Jesus His only Son,

And they’ll know we are Christians by our love, by our love

And they’ll know we are Christians by our love

God & I

Lord, You know exactly who I am

Yet You still extend Your gracious hand

Love so great, and mercy so grand

Leads me straight into the Promised Land

O Lord, to Whom all hearts are opened

And all desires known

O Lord, You created everything from nothing

In all the heavens and the earth

There is nothing compared to Your worth

Where can I run from Your Presence?

Why would I even try?

There is nothing I desire, but Your Essence

And I know You hear my cry

You over flow my cup with living water

From this road may I never falter

From the mountains to the valleys

Hear our praises fill the skies

You have saved us from our frailty

May our lives echo for eternity

My Life

My life as of now

Has had some^Ups and _Downs.

But believe me

I can see

Him helping me

I do not claim to be a wise man

Just a student of the Word

And I listen to what He tells me.

It’s more than I can grasp.

Ohhh, Lord, Your knowledge is great,

Your wisdom, unlimited.

You teach me Your Word.

And I am so glad.

It’s You that I run to,

When I don’t understand.

You show to Your knowledge

And now I understand.

But yet, I still don’t comprehend,

This knowledge that you show!

Ohh, Lord, it’s only by your grace,

That I can understand.

When I was a little child,

I asked to learn

Of this world

That I now know.

But I also know,

He’s not done with me yet.

Thank you again for reading through another set of my Musings. I hope you found them inspiring and even more, that you heard God speaking to you as you read through them. May you continue to grow in Christ, just as I am and continue to follow in the way of our Heavenly Father, as we each seek to listen to His Holy Spirit speak into each of our lives.

Sharing My Life (06/12/10): Entitlement Or Inheritance

2010-06-12T22:23:00.000-05:00

For a while now I have been observing many members of my generation and those around it taking an “entitlement” mentality towards life. Some graduate from college and expect a job to be waiting. Others once on the job, expect a certain benefit package: full health coverage, minimum two-weeks per year vacation, stock options and others. Still others expect life outside of college or graduate school to be much like it was inside. Once they graduate and enter into today’s workforce, they find that such things are earned, not simply given.

I say this not just as an observer, but also as a participant. When I graduated from college and then seminary, I expected getting a job would come easy. It was not. To be honest, I finished not even sure what I wanted to do with my life. Much has changed since then. Those who have been reading this newsletter for a while can probably testify to the many job and career changes I have made over the years. I do not even claim to be finished changing courses yet, though I do think I am more certain of my future in therapy than I was in my careers in ministry or chaplaincy.

So, now looking back at how “naïve” I was when I graduated and at what I have learned over the years, my outlook now is not one of entitlement, but one of inheritance. I am not interested in what I am entitled to or what everyone “should do” for me. Instead, I am increasingly more interested in what I am leaving behind for the generation coming behind me. A mentor of mine, Greg Bourgond, would call this my legacy. As I continue to work towards completing my Doctorate in Marriage & Family Therapy and becoming a therapist myself, I find myself approaching what I am learning not just for my benefit, but also for the benefit of those who will come after me. How can I help them become better people? It is not just about who I am becoming, but also about who those who are watching me are becoming, as a result of how I live my life?

Life Update (06/12/10): Moving Again

2010-06-12T22:22:00.000-05:00

As of Memorial Day weekend, I have moved from Maple Grove, MN to Minneapolis, MN. Both my phone number and email address remain the same. In other news, I have now begun my second semester at Argosy University. This past Thursday I spent most of the day at a Conference for the North American Society of Adlerian Psychology (NASAP), where I got to hear from James Bitter, a leading psychologist in the field. One of the most compelling ideas I came away with was that therapy is not about fixing marital issues or changing individual behavior. It is about helping the client to understand where others are coming from and enabling them to work out their own issues. Behavior may certainly change and marital issues may indeed lesson, but that is because of the work the client(s) put into therapy, not the individual therapist.

Meaningful Words (04/25/10)

2010-04-25T17:29:00.000-05:00

Simple faith and loving friendship are what I have written about thus far in this newsletter. There are a few poems of mine that speak to those themes and here they are:

Community

Christ in you, Christ in me

This is what it means to be a true community

Christ in you, Christ in me

This is what God desires, His earthly Trinity

Your heart beating next to mine,

My heart beating next to yours

And at the center, there is God

In our midst

Christ in you, Christ in me

This is what it means to be a true community

Christ in you, Christ in me

This is what God desires, His earthly Trinity

For there are loads we cannot carry alone

Never were meant to be on our own

But side by side,

Let me carry you,

And when I’m tired

You’ll carry me too.

And we can’t carry on

That’s when we’ll look to God

And find He’s been with us all along

Christ in you, Christ in me

This is what it means to be a true community

Christ in you, Christ in me

This is what God desires, His earthly Trinity

This road of life is long and narrow

With much toil and real sorrow

Yet hold to me,

As I hold to you,

And we will grow in His embrace

LoungeDivine (Unfinished)

Friends to be real with

Children to enjoy

A place to watch movies

And to think of spiritual things

A place to explore God and His People

Free from expectation or

Fear of reproach

A place of understanding

A place of growth

A place where the bones of my doubt

Can be enfleshed with renewed faith

A place of love

A place of acceptance

A place to be honest about my life with God

And know I will be encouraged in His Strength

The Truth

You know the truth,

It’s been in you,

Since time began.

You just did not see,

What really could be.

Look inside you,

Deep inside,

Look to your heart.

Then He will guide you.

To the truth.

Life

What is life?

Is it love?

or something different.

Must we look,

All our lives,

Just for true life?

Or is it simple?

Standing right before us,

With it’s arms outstretched.

Can it really be that simple?

Yes, it is!!

Once more I come to the end of this newsletter feeling I have shared a lot and thankful for you who have read this far and continue to follow God with me on this journey we walk together. Even though we are miles apart, when we pray to God and share with Him our hearts, He draws us closer to each other as He draws us close to Him. Take time to enjoy fellowship with those you love this week. It is within that love that we get a glimpse of God, and this side of His Kingdom, that is the best picture we have!

Sharing My Life (04/25/10): Starting Small

2010-04-25T17:28:00.000-05:00

Last Friday I watched The Blindside with Sandra Bullock and Tim McGraw. It is a really good movie to watch as a family and tells the true story of a suburban mother forming a mutually beneficial friendship with an inner-city youth, which culminates in him becoming a pro-football player. There were many powerful and touching aspects of the movie and the one that really spoke to me was how the relationship between mother and the inner city young man grew.

Leigh Anne Tuohy, played by Sandra Bullock, did not start out with the intent to start a movement or ministry; she just saw a need, had the desire to help and followed her heart. Even though she had no idea where it would go or what would come next, she stepped out in faith. Yes, many of the main characters in the film are Christian, though I think its message is pretty universal. It was not her original intention to bring Michael Oher, the young man, into her home, help him become a better student and man, and motivate him to go to college and then to the NFL; that all came into the picture gradually. I think if she had gone into it all with that motivation from the get go, she would not have made the same impact.

In my experience, our walk with God works much the same way. We have no idea where it is all headed or who we will ultimately become in the end. Perhaps it is better that way. I once asked God to show me the plan He had for my life. In reply, He said, “If I showed you the way, you would simply follow the path. Instead, I have chosen to show Myself to you and ask you to follow Me.” Do not get the wrong idea, that was one of the few times He has ever spoken to me that clearly ;-)

I do believe God has a plan and is constantly at work in our lives brining it into fulfillment. We are not meant to know it all beforehand. I am not even sure I could comprehend it all if I did. Instead, God moves in our hearts like He moved in Leigh’s heart. He shows us a need, gives us a desire in our heart and asks us to step out in faith.

One way I have seen this work out in my own life is with a family I have grown close to. I first met them back when I was living in Saint Cloud, working at the VA there and attending 2:42 Church. They had recently left a very legalistic church and had come to 2:42 in search of healing fellowship. As time progressed, I befriended them and was able to help them through their healing, especially as 2:42 broke up. Even when I moved back to the Cities to pursue work as a chaplain, I still kept in contact with them. Recently, the father of the family fell and broke his ankle. The past few weekends, as studies allowed, I went up to St. Cloud and visited with them. I talked with the parents and played with the children. It was a great time for all. As I was with them and even now I can feel the warmth of family, love and fellowship. That is what relationships in God’s kingdom are all about.

We do not have to be strategic in all that we do for God or have everything all planned out from the beginning. All He asks from us is the simple faith it takes to see a need, listen to the desires of our heart and follow Him. The rest will become clear in time, as we need to know and can handle it. Even now, God may be speaking to you, showing you a need, tugging at a desire in your heart and simply saying, “Follow Me!”

Life Update (04/25/10): Making Progress

2010-04-25T17:27:00.000-05:00

This past Wednesday I finished my first semester at Argosy University. So far, I’m pretty sure I got A’s in all my classes. Summer classes begin on May 10^th. I am hoping to finish all my coursework in 3 years and then work on my Applied Clinical Project for another year or so. There are a couple internships in there as well. I have cut down on my work with Accessible Space, Inc., with the help of my folks, to help me be as efficient as I can be in my studies. So far, so good.

Peter Undone

2010-04-01T12:22:00.000-05:00

Peter Undone

This morning I was listening to Dave Christian and Pamela Lundell on KTIS Radio talking about foot washing. It is Maundy Thursday, a day set aside to remember Jesus’ Last Supper with His disciples. Some churches hold Foot Washing services every year around this time, where the church leaders wash the feet of their parishioners. They do this to remind them of when Jesus washed His disciples’ feet before the meal in John 13. Dave recounted his experience in both washing the feet of others and having his own washed; Pam then remarked that the thought of having her feet washed by someone made her uncomfortable. It was not the physical act that gave her discomfort, but the message conveyed in the action. To wash someone’s feet is an act of submission towards that person. In Jesus’ day, this was a duty reserved only for the servants of the household. People walked around all day in the sand and dusty roads with their sandals on their feet; no fancy hiking boots or running shoes, just simple leather sandals. That meant their feet got plenty dirty, so when they entered someone’s house as a guest, the master of the house would have his servant wash their feet, to keep from getting his floor and house dirty. Pam was saying that she was uncomfortable being served.

As she and Dave where talking about this, I heard and was reminded of Peter’s reaction to having his feet washed by Jesus. Sometimes we look down on Peter for his initial unwillingness to have Jesus wash his feet. Yet I think there’s something deeper going on here. When Jesus took the servant’s role and started washing His disciple’s feet, this took Peter by surprise and he felt uncomfortable. Like Pam, he was uneasy with the idea of Jesus submitting to him in this manner. Here was the Man Who had healed Peter’s mother (Matthew 8:14-15), the One who Peter saw calm the storms (Matthew 8:23-27) and walk on the water (Matthew 14:22-36). Peter had seen Jesus speaking with Moses and Elijah, and then both disappeared and Jesus was standing there alone, as if to say, in Jesus the Law of Moses and the Prophets, like Elijah, live side by side (Matthew 17:1-13). Maybe Peter was reminded of when Jesus said that He had come to fulfill the Law and the Prophets (Matthew 5:17) and that His commands to love God and love each other encompassed all the Laws and the Prophets (Matthew 22:34-39). Peter had seen Jesus do many amazing things and believed that He was the Messiah, the Son of the Living God (Matthew 16:16). This was the Man Who was washing His disciple’s feet and now coming to submit to Peter in this fashion.

It was all too much for Peter. Once more Jesus undid him. This was not the first time this happened, nor would it be the last. All the other times Peter had seen Jesus in action, he was amazed and undone. Jesus left him dumbfounded. Peter could not figure Jesus out. There was no category of understanding that encapsulated Jesus in Peter’s mind, heart and experience. Jesus was like no other person Peter had ever met or befriended.

Nowhere is this more expressed than when Jesus forgives Peter in John 21. After hearing and seeing that Jesus was raised from the dead. Peter and a few of the other disciples had gone back out onto the lake to fish. Perhaps they were still trying to comprehend all that had happened over the weekend and throughout that week. Their Lord and Master had been crucified on Friday (John 19) and had risen from the dead on Saturday (John 20). He had appeared to Mary Magdalene, Thomas and the rest of His disciples. When He had appeared to Thomas, the disciples were gathered in a room with every door locked and Jesus appeared out of nowhere (John 20:24-29). Peter and the other disciples were still trying to get over all their shock. They had gone back to the only thing they knew made sense. When Jesus had found them in the beginning, they were fishermen and it was still what they knew best.

So, here comes Jesus. Peter and the disciples with him were out on the water, probably a long way off from shore. They hear someone on the shore yell, “Have you caught any fish?” Despite all their efforts throughout the night, Peter and the other disciples had not caught a single fish, not even a small Minnow. Here comes this stranger, maybe they even thought him a bit of a jerk, asking them what probably felt like the stupidest question that could ever be asked. In consternation they reply back, “No.” Perhaps there was even a bit of sarcasm in their voices. “Try casting your nets on the other side,” Jesus said. “Oh, of course,” they probably thought. “That’s our problem. We were fishing on the other side. Still feeling a bit perturbed, they follow His suggestion and cast their nets on the other side of the boat. The results amaze them. They catch so many fish in that one casting that they are unable to haul in the huge load. Perhaps they are reminded of another time when they followed the fishing advice of a stranger and the result was a catch to large for their nets to even contain (Luke 5:1-11). That was back when they first met Jesus. That must have been why Peter ran to shore, leaving the rest of the disciples to gather the fish and bring the boat ashore. Jesus already had some fish cooking on the fire and asked the disciples to bring some of the ones they had caught. Then Jesus broke the fish and some bread He had brought with Him and distributed it among the disciples. Maybe that reminded them of the times Jesus had multiplied the fish and the loaves before (Matthew 15:29-39, John 6:1-15).

After the small meal, Jesus took Peter aside and had a meaningful conversation with him. Among the things Peter was trying to sort out was his own betrayal of Jesus, especially since earlier that very evening Jesus had foretold that Peter would betray Him and despite Peter’s earnest assertion that such would never happen, Jesus pushed the point even further, saying that before the rooster crowed, and morning broke, Peter would deny three times that he even knows Jesus (Matthew 26:31-35). This had indeed happened and at the very moment it did Peter’s eyes met Jesus’ and he broke down in sorrow, weeping (Luke 22:60-62). When Jesus takes Peter aside, he is probably still trying to figure all this out. Peter’s own grief over his Master’s death was mixed with his sorrow at having betrayed Him. Even though Peter’s Lord is now raised from the dead and has appeared a number of times, Peter’s heart is still clouded with grief and regret. It is precisely into this uncertainty that Jesus speaks.

He asks Peter, “Simon, son of John, Do you truly love me more than these.” Jesus was calling Peter by the name he had before Jesus had renamed him (John 1:42). This had happened before when Peter had fallen asleep in the garden of Gethsemane, after Jesus had asked him to stay awake (Mark 14:37). Maybe Peter thought Jesus was calling him by his former name to get his attention. Indeed, such was probably was the case. Peter replied, “Yes, Lord, You know that I love you.” Jesus replies, “Feed My sheep.” Then Jesus asked him once again, “Simon, son of John, do you truly love Me?” Peter again assured Jesus that he does love Him and Jesus replies, “Take care of My sheep.” Not swayed, Jesus asks Peter a third time, “Simon, son of John, do you love Me.” Peter is disappointed and hurt by this second asking of the same question; his reply is an even stronger assertion and assurance: “Lord, You know all things, You know that I love you.” Jesus replies again, “Feed My sheep.” He then goes on to tell Peter about his future death and asks him once more to “follow Me.”

I am not sure Peter fully understood what Jesus had just done at that moment. When Jesus is done speaking, Peter turns and upon seeing John, the disciple Jesus love, asks Jesus about him. Though this incident is not spoken of in either Acts nor in any of Peter’s epistles, I am sure that it was foundational in Peter’s life and ministry. Another time Jesus called Peter Simon was when He predicted Peter’s betrayal. He told Peter, “Simon, Simon, Satan has asked to sift you as wheat. But I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers” (Luke 22:31-32). When Jesus said this to Peter, I believe He was speaking of Peter’s betrayal. Jesus knew that, if left to his own devices, Peter might have followed right after Judas and killed himself when he realized he had betrayed his Lord and Master the very night Jesus needed him to be strong. Jesus knew Peter would betray Him and knew that Peter would be terribly saddened by this. Peter’s inevitable betrayal and sadness was not what Jesus meant He said He was praying that Peter’s faith would not fail. Jesus wanted Peter to live through this, to persevere through his sorrow and grief and live to see the hope that was to come. Upon seeing this hope fulfilled, Jesus knew Peter would be strengthened in his faith and would have enough strength even to turn and strengthen his brothers and sisters in Christ. When Jesus asked Peter three times if he loved Him, and hearing Peter’s replies asked him to feed and take care of His sheep, Jesus was giving Peter a living sign of His forgiveness for Peter’s threefold betrayal and reinstating him as the leader of Jesus’ early church.

Meaningful Words (03/28/10)

2010-03-28T14:56:00.003-05:00

As I reflect back on my journey with God, how He led me from obedience to faith to obedience, I am filled with gratefulness and awe. I am also aware that today is Palm Sunday, the beginning of Holy Week and by the week’s end we will have remembered all the events that led up to Jesus’ death and resurrection. Here are a few poems reflecting those themes:

Fire and Desire

In the beginning,

I remember fire,

Burning in my heart,

Filled with desire.

But now I stand.

It’s three years past.

My heart is cold.

Where’s my desire?

Where is the fire?

Holy Spirit fill me up,

With the lasting fire!

Fill my spirit once again,

Make my soul fly higher

Higher than the sky!

Higher than the moon!

Shoot me into eternity!

A-men!

Impostor

You go to church every Sunday

Don the suit, don the mask, don the act

You sing the songs and listen to the sermon

But deep down you know it’s all a lie

Life continues on, you play the game every day

Load the bullet in the gun, and pray the chamber’s empty

Every time it gets easier,

Every time you loose a bit of yourself

Hiding the truth from all those you love

But there’s One who always knows

You think you’re doing them a favor

But you’re hurting them beyond repair

Acting like a Christian when you don’t even care

You’ve got the M. Div.

You’ve got the preacher’s touch

You even have your own church

Everyone thinks you’re the best

But you’ll never pass the final test.

Why do you continue on this blessing filled path to hell?

Still you play the sheep, when you know you’re a wolf

Do you think you can hide forever?

I pray that one day you’ll see the truth

That all those things you fake can be yours in real life

‘Cause there’s a God out there who knows you for all you are

And He longs for you to come home to Him at last

This Cross

I wear this cross around my neck to remind me

To remind me that I am no longer my own

To remind me that I have been bought with a price

To remind me that 2,000 years ago He died in my place

He took the blame that should have been mine

He took the pain that should have been mine

Every bad thought that goes through my head

Every terrible deed that I take part in

Every sin that I commit

Was summed up in those six hours He spent dying on this cross.

This cross reminds me that I have a Savior

No longer must I go it alone

This cross reminds me that I have a Father

No longer must I be a prodigal son

This cross reminds me that I have a family

No longer am I the only one

This cross reminds me of a Man who cared.

He cared for the homeless

He cared for the lonely

He cared for the brokenhearted

He cared for those without a heart

He cared for those society tears apart

He cared for sinners like you and me

He cared for everyone that we do and do not see.

He cared and He still cares

This cross stands for grace

Of greater worth than any gold

This cross stands for mercy

Enough to cover the greatest of sinners a hundred times over

This cross stands for strength

His made perfect in our weakness

This cross stands for power

An immeasurable amount too awesome to even comprehend

This cross stands for love

Unlike any ever imagined or seen

This cross stands for compassion

To receive back a wayward soul that cost Him His own life.

This cross stands for Jesus, my Savior and my Lord!

Thank you again to each of you, for continuing to stay with me on this journey. True, some of you are reading this only for the first time, yet you still managed to get this far. ;-) Your thoughts and prayers continue to give me strength and I am grateful for each and every one of you. If any of you have concerns, prayer requests or other needs, just let me know. It would be my honor to pray for you, as you pray for me, knowing that even now, Jesus prays for us all (Hebrews 7:25).

Sharing My Life (03/28/10): Work or Relationship?

2010-03-28T14:55:00.001-05:00

Throughout my walk with God, much of my reflection and prayer has been about determining God’s Will for my life. In the beginning, it felt like this was somewhat about a perfectionist need to get it right the first time. There was also a bit of the fear of God in there too. At times when I read the Old Testament, God seemed very concerned about His Will being obeyed and when it was not there were consequences. Back then it felt very much like my faith was a lot about works, about proving to God that I was worth the sacrifice of His Son, Jesus. Yet since then, I have some to see such is not really the case.

Paul actually spent an entire epistle on making the distinction between being saved by the law (aka, works) or by faith (Galatians 3:11 and others). It is not our obedience to God that saves us. It is Christ’s! On the other hand, we are told a number of times, by Paul and others, that works are an integral part of our faith journey (much of James and others). So, is it works or faith or maybe even in some mysterious way, both?

These days I am beginning to see more and more that the key to following God is not all about living by obedience or faith. It is about a relationship with God made possible by the obedience of His Son. This relationship is built on how we relate to God and living as He leads, yet there is much grace and wiggle room in this narrow way. As we walk with God, His Will becomes clear to us and as we grow in our faith, He empowers us to do all that He desires.

Life Update (03/28/10): Moving Forward

2010-03-28T14:53:00.000-05:00

Now that I am almost three months into my Doctoral program at Argosy, I can definitely say there is a significant learning curve from doing work for my Master’s program to doing work for my Doctoral one; even more so with my college program. There is a lot more reading and other work required, though at times less emphasis on due dates. One of my first classes only lasted a quarter, so I am now down to just two classes, which both end next month. Then I have a nice two-week break before diving into the next semester. I have also cut down on my work hours to give me more time to focus on my studies. I got an “A-“ in that first class, so things are going good at this point. ;-)

Are you Jesus

2010-03-26T13:05:00.002-05:00

A friend sent me this cool story:

A few years ago a group of salesmen went to a regional sales convention in Chicago. They had assured their wives that they would be home in plenty of time for Friday night's dinner. In their rush, with tickets and briefcases, one of these salesmen inadvertently kicked over a table which held a display of apples. Apples flew everywhere. Without stopping or looking back, they all managed to reach the plane in time for their nearly-missed boarding.

ALL BUT ONE!!! He paused, took a deep breath, got in touch with his feelings, and experienced a twinge of compassion for the girl whose apple stand had been overturned.

He told his buddies to go on without him, waved good-bye, told one of them to call his wife when they arrived at their home destination and explain his taking a later flight. Then he returned to the terminal where the apples were all over the terminal floor.

He was glad he did.

The 16-year-old girl was totally blind! She was softly crying, tears running down he r cheeks in frustration, and at the same time helplessly groping for her spilled produce as the crowd swirled about her; no one stopping and no one to care for her plight.

The salesman knelt on the floor with her, gathered up the apples, put them back on the table and helped organize her display. As he did this, he noticed that many of them had become battered and bruised; these he set aside in another basket.

When he had finished, he pulled out his wallet and said to the girl, "Here, please take this $40 for the damage we did. Are you okay?" She nodded through her tears.. He continued on with, "I hope we didn't spoil your day too badly."

As the salesman started to walk away, the bewildered blind girl called out to him, "Mister...." He paused and turned to look back into those blind eyes. She continued, "Are you Jesus?"

He stopped in mid-stride, and he wondered. Then slowly he made his way to catch the later flight with that question burning and bouncing about in his soul: "Are you Jesus?" Do people mistake you for Jesus? That's our destiny, is it not? To be so much like Jesus that people cannot tell the difference as we live and interact with a world that is blind to His love, life and grace.

If we claim to know Him, we should live, walk and act as He would. Knowing Him is more than simply quoting Scripture and going to church. It's actually living the Word as life unfolds day to day.

You are the apple of His eye even though we, too, have been bruised by a fall. He stopped what He was doing and picked up you and me on a hill called Calvary and paid in full for our damaged fruit.

After reading it, I felt prompted to pray that my own life led people to see Jesus in what I do and say. What does it prompt in you?

To all the women in my life

2010-02-28T19:39:00.000-06:00

A strong woman works out every day to keep her body in shape ...
but a woman of strength kneels in prayer to keep her soul in shape...

A strong woman isn't afraid of anything ...
but a woman of strength shows courage in the midst of her fear...

A strong woman won't let anyone get the best of her ...
but a woman of strength gives the best of her to everyone...

A strong woman makes mistakes and avoids the same in the future...
a woman of strength realizes life's mistakes can also be God's blessings and capitalizes on them...

A strong woman walks sure footedly...
but a woman of strength knows God will catch her when she falls...

A strong woman wears the look of confidence on her face...
but a woman of strength wears grace...

A strong woman has faith that she is strong enough for the journey...
but a woman of strength has faith that it is in the journey that she will become strong...

- Marta S. Hardy

The Way of Jesus (2/22/10)

2010-02-22T10:31:00.000-06:00

This year I have been attending a Bible study at church entitled "Seeing Jesus." We have been working our way through John's Gospel. Yesterday we were going through John 14, where Jesus says, "I am the Way, the Truth and the Life. No one comes to the Father but through Me" (Jn 14:6). As I was reading it, the following thought came to my mind and heart:

"This, then, is our Way in Christ. We follow Him in obedience by faith through love. Christ, in turn, loves us and shows us the Truth, which is in Him. In His Truth is freedom, freedom to live life to the fullest, to live life abundantly!" (Jn 8:31-32; 10:10; 14:6-7, 15, 21, 23).

I shared this with the class and our teacher shared a similar quote:

Follow thou me. I am the Way, the Truth and the Life. Without the Way, there is no going; without the Truth, there is no knowing; without the Life, there is no living. I am the Way thou must follow; the Truth thou must believe; the Life for which thou must hope. I am the inviolable Way; the infallible Truth; the never-ending Life. I am the straightest Life; the sovereign Truth; Life, true Life, Life blessed, Life uncreated. (Thomas A. Kempis, Imitation of Christ)

Let us, therefore, walk in His footsteps, just as Jesus has shown us. Amen.

For Valentine's Day . . .

2010-02-12T11:15:00.000-06:00

I am a big fan of Gimundo, Good News, Served Daily. Today they posted an article on the longest married couple in the world. Herbert and Zelmyra Fisher have been married since 1924 and they are 102 and 104, respectfully. From now until tomorrow, February 13th they plan to answer 14 questions via Twitter. You can send your questions via Twitter to @longestmarried or to follow their feel, just click on the Twitter address and it will take you to their Twitter site. Have a great Valentine's Day!

Really good poem by one of my favorite therapists

2010-02-12T10:50:00.000-06:00

My Declaration of Self-Esteem

I am Me. In all the world, there is no one else exactly like me. Everything that comes out of me is authentically mine, because I alone chose it -- I own everything about me: my body, my feelings, my mouth, my voice, all my actions, whether they be to others or myself.

I own my fantasies, my dreams, my hopes, my fears. I own my triumphs and successes, all my failures and mistakes. Because I own all of me, I can become intimately acquainted with me. By so doing, I can love me and be friendly with all my parts. I know there are aspects about myself that puzzle me, and other aspects that I do not know -- but as long as I am friendly and loving to myself, I can courageously and hopefully look for solutions to the puzzles and ways to find out more about me.

However I look and sound, whatever I say and do, and whatever I think and feel at a given moment in time is authentically me. If later some parts of how I looked, sounded, thought, and felt turn out to be unfitting, I can discard that which is unfitting, keep the rest, and invent something new for that which I discarded. I can see, hear, feel, think, say, and do.

I have the tools to survive, to be close to others, to be productive, and to make sense and order out of the world of people and things outside of me. I own me, and therefore, I can engineer me. I am me, and I am Okay.

- Virginia Satir, Self Esteem

Meaningful Words (02/07/10)

2010-02-07T13:19:00.003-06:00

So, here we are close to the end again. Here is where I share some of God’s work in and through me through poetry and song. As I think through my school change, upcoming move and possible vision, here are some words that come to mind and heart:

There is a White

There is a white for this black of ours.

It will show itself in its hour,

But we who hold it in our hearts,

No ray of dark can penetrate our parts.

But what of this light?

What use is it, if it cannot shine bright!

Too often we turn away its source.

We take out our swords,

Made by the hand of Satan,

And slash it into oblivion.

But this light cannot die.

It cannot be swept away.

There are those who have claimed it

And the light lives on in them.

The light has a place in all of our hearts.

Every single one must play its part.

Through them this world will change.

Through them it will exchange

Its darkness for the EVERLASTING LIGHT!

A-men

Into the Woods

I saw you when you ran into the woods,

For I was there with you,

I was the One you were running away from,

Yet I was the One you were running to,

Which was I to you?

Which were you to Me?

How I long for you to cling to Me as you used to,

To feel your heart beat with mine,

To share your thoughts and know your mind,

Yet you have drifted far away and are ever still running,

Farther and farther you roam,

It seems almost as if you are at home,

There in the wilderness,

Off in the distance.

Come home to Me, My love,

The journey is really not that long,

If you would but turn around,

Lift up your eyes and see,

There you would find me,

My gentle hands will wipe away your every tear,

The blood from My wounds will cleanse your every sin.

Cleansing and reaching ever deeper within,

Bring your broken hearts and shattered dreams

Lay them at My nail-pierced feet

For when you cried, I cried with you,

When you ran, I was there at your side,

When you hid there in the dark,

I was there as well.

I am with you always,

Not as a presence to be feared

But as One who knows you through and through,

One who has seen you at your worst and at your best

I know you, I love you, and I am for you.

Community

Christ in you, Christ in me

This is what it means to be a true community

Christ in you, Christ in me

This is what God desires, His earthly Trinity

Your heart beating next to mine,

My heart beating next to yours

And at the center, there is God

In our midst

Christ in you, Christ in me

This is what it means to be a true community

Christ in you, Christ in me

This is what God desires, His earthly Trinity

For there are loads we cannot carry alone

Never were meant to be on our own

But side by side,

Let me carry you,

And when I’m tired

You’ll carry me too.

And we can’t carry on

That’s when we’ll look to God

And find He’s been with us all along

Christ in you, Christ in me

This is what it means to be a true community

Christ in you, Christ in me

This is what God desires, His earthly Trinity

This road of life is long and narrow

With much toil and real sorrow

Yet hold to me,

As I hold to you,

And we will grow in His embrace.

Well, here we are at the end of another letter. Today is SuperBowl Sunday, the Colts are playing the Saints and, to be honest, I couldn't care less who wins. Yet as we gather with friends and family to watch the game, I hope and pray that we will see in each other, a far greater prize than any SuperBowl trophy. God has place His image in each of us and longs to bring it to light for the whole world to see. As my favorite Bible verse reads, “We are God’s works of art, created in Christ, to do good works, which He has laid out before us” (Ephesians 2:10). Thank you. I pray you are all doing well.

Sharing My Life (02/07/10): A vision of what may come . . .

2010-02-07T13:19:00.000-06:00

Some of you have been with me long enough to know I have recently received a bit of clarity about my future in God’s kingdom. A mentor of mine, Greg Bourgond, recently helped me complete my Personal Life Mandate(PLM). If you’re receiving this via email, just click the link above and it will bring you to the proper page in my blog. Otherwise, just go to my blog (ww.mjwillard.blogspot.com) and search for it using the search box in the upper left-hand corner. Anyway, part of that PLM was a vision for the future entitled “Ultimate Contribution.” One of the reasons I elected to go into Argosy’s DMFT program is because along with giving me most of what I need to get a Marriage and Family Therapy license, it also helps students prepare to both supervise and teach future therapists. Part of my vision is not just to be a therapist who helps struggling people to find their full potential in Christ. It is also to equip and train others to do the same. I have always desired to learn things not just for the sake of knowledge, but to share that knowledge with those around me. By becoming a therapist and possibly a trainer of therapists, I hope to help fan the flame that exists in the hearts of those I work with. That flame which Christ first ignited in them and longs for them to share. In fanning the flame I desire to see a passion for knowing and sharing God’s love in all those around me.

Life Update (02/07/10): Still Changing . . .

2010-02-07T13:17:00.000-06:00

I know it’s been a while since last I wrote and I apologize for that. Life can get so busy at times. Since last I wrote, two major changes have happened in my life. First off, I have transferred from the Masters in Mental Health Counseling Degree program at Capella University to the Doctorate of Marriage and Family Therapy program at Argosy University in Eagan, MN. The change in schools was mostly due to the lack of face to face contact I was getting at Capellla. As to the change in programs, partly that is because Argosy had that program and I thought why pursue another Masters degree, when I can get a Doctorate? The other reason will becoming later. Second, I have changed my mind about buying a house. While I do still need to move out of my present location by May, as I talked through the possibilities with my folks and friends, getting an apartment seemed to be a much more reasonable idea. At least for now ;-) So, now I am looking for a place nicely located between my church in Maple Grove, MN and Argosy in Eagan, MN. That covers a big area and fortunately, there’s still time between now and May.

Silent Monks Singing Halleluia

2009-12-27T14:17:00.001-06:00

hilarious!

Christmas & Political Correctness (12/16/09)

2009-12-16T12:44:00.000-06:00

Christmas & Political Correctness

For the past year, I have been tutoring at CityView Community School in Minneapolis, MN and yesterday I had an idea for this week before Winter Break. I have been helping the children I work with improve their reading skills, and one of the ways we do this is by reading aloud together. For this week, I thought it would be a cool idea to read “The Legend of the Candy Cane” together and then I would share candy canes with the children.

The story presents candy canes as a Christian evangelistic tool, showing that if you hold the cane long end up, it looks like a “J” and that stands for Jesus. If you point it down, then it looks like a shepherd’s crook and that reminds us that shepherds were the first to her of Christ’s birth. The red stripes symbolize Jesus’ blood shed for us and the white shows how we can be washed white as snow, free from our sins. I wasn’t sure about reading such an explicitly Christian story in a public school, so I asked the teacher I’ve been working with. Sure enough, she indicated I would not be able to read the story, but I could bring the candy canes to share.

Once I got there this morning, she asked me to work with a couple girls I have been working closely with and said I could offer to share the story with them, since it was just two, and indicated I should ask them first, letting them know that the story did contain religious themes. At first, we just read through the book that they had been reading through that week. Then, towards the end, they asked about the book I brought and I did get a chance to share it with them. They enjoyed the story and thought the symbolism behind the candy cane was “cool.” After we finished, they rushed off to tell the teacher and she was glad they like it. Then I shared my candy canes with the whole class. Over all, it was a great experience!

It also made me think a bit about this whole Political Correctness idea we have today. As I have grown more confident in my faith and character, I have felt less offended by those who feel differently, and more able to share freely with them about my beliefs and listen intently as they share theirs. I have come to find that though other’s ideas may be different then mine, that fact does not need to be an issue. When I share, I do not do so aggressively and I do not demand that others believe the same way that I do. Often I get the same feeling from them.

Though at times there are aspects of the faith that will offend and confront others no matter what. Paul spoke of such in his letter to the Corinthians (1Corinthinas 1:22-25). Since we, as Christians, believe that Jesus is the one true Savior of the World, this is a bit of an exclusive faith, yet Jesus died for the sins of everyone. So while Jesus’ way is the only one that really works, it is open to all who will walk in it.

It is also important that we not let the fact that our Gospel, is at times, inherently offensive get in the way of our being culturally sensitive in our faith sharing. Yes, we do have a faith that is exclusive in some respects and inclusive in others. At the same time, there are ways to share that message that people will still hear it, even if they are at first offended. Hopefully we can all find ways of sharing the true joy of Christmas this season in culturally sensitive ways.

Here’s a seasonal poem I once wrote:

Immanuel

Son of God, Immanuel

Tonight You came with us to dwell

You came to show us how to live

You came to us eternal life to give

Child of the King, You came from above

To teach us the true meaning of love

Took on our flesh, took on our sin

Our earthly burden, You took within

By Your hands, our wounds were healed

With Your blood our hearts are sealed

Teach us this day

To walk in Your way

Almighty Father, watch over us

Protect us from our darkness

Holy Spirit, Who dwells within

Keep us this day from all sin

Jesus, Redeemer, Lover, and Friend

To us Your embrace now extend

As we gather with our family

As we gather with our friends

Your love guides our hearts, as we amble blindly

While we hold hands, Your grace descends

And for those of us, who spend this season alone

As our spirits within us groan

Remind us, I pray, that You are always there.

Remind us, O Lord, that You always care.

The road we walk is treacherous

But You O Lord are ever with us

Give us this day our daily bread

Watch over us as we go to bed.

A-men.

Meaningful Words (11/15/09)

2009-11-16T14:04:00.002-06:00

What will your response be? This is not a one time decision, but a daily living in relationship with our loving God. Somedays I know His love for me and I rejoice in it. Like the love my parents have for me, it is not contingent on anything I do. It is mine simply because I am their son. When I can accept this as a daily reality, it changes how I live, walk, feel and even breath. Life is easier when I can take refuge in this reality. It is a source of great personal peace to know what even if I should loose my job, or get thrown out of my house, still God loves me, is there with me and is for me!

Be Still

“Be still, and know that I am God;

I will be exalted among the nations,

I will be exalted in the earth.”

-Psalm 46:10

Be still, My child and know that you are loved.

Endless, limitless, eternal love is yours.

My Son paid the price and you are free to come.

Come and know Me

Come and know that you are loved.

Come with no expectations, for they will all be blown away.

Come with no preparations, the price has already been paid

Come with no restrictions for they are only self-imposed

Come desiring nothing, knowing you will receive all that is of true worth.

I am the One Who has loved you since before time began

As you were formed within your mother’s womb

I knew you and called you My chosen one

You are My child and I love you.

I Will Not Forget You

I will not forget you

I will not forget you, no (x2)

Though the winds may blow

And the troubles flow

Still I will not forget you

I will not forget you, no

For You are in control,

You have taken my heart,

You have redeemed my soul,

You have made me whole.

So I will not forget you, no!

My Heart

Lord, I give you my heart

All I am

All I have ever been

And ever hope to be

All I have done and ever plan to do

All I am and ever wanted to be

You are the One I was created for

Why have I searched so long for more

In You all my hopes are met

In You all my desires are satisfied

In You, at last, my heart has found

its home.

No Love

There is no love greater than He has for you.

There is no price more than what He paid for you.

All of heaven is desperate for you.

All of creation is longing for you.

Will you turn to this love

And accept it as your own.

He loves you

More than you could know.

Thank you again for staying with me thus far. I know my letters are often long and at times random in their arrival. Still I pray for each of you when I think of you and take great comfort in the fact that I am known and loved. May each of you know that as well.

Sharing My Life (11/05/09): Unconditional Love

2009-11-16T14:03:00.002-06:00

With Thanksgiving approaching, my mind naturally turns to ponder those things I am thankful for. Chief among these is the unconditional love I have from my Creator and my parents. Some of you may know this already, for those who do not, my folks and I have been spending more time together during recent years and becoming a stronger family unit. The past two years they have come up to Minnesota to be with me for the whole month of September. During one of our dinners together this past September, my Dad asked how my sense of their unconditional love was these days. I replied that I was thankful for it, even though I was still learning to accept it.

As I thought about it later, I saw much of my relationship with God in that question and answer. Throughout the Bible we read numerous stories and passages that illustrate God’s unconditional love for us. God knows us in a deeper more intimate way than we could ever imaging, more than we even know ourselves. His love for us is equally as deep and intimate. Yet often, we do not feel this love. The love God has for us has never and will never change. It is as deep and wide for each of us now as it was the day we were born. It is not contingent on our earning of it. No matter what we did, we could never earn it. Nor do we have to. The price has already been paid in Christ Jesus and we are free to come.

What does change is our response. I later wrote my parents a letter in which I indicated that part of my difficulty with accepting their unconditional love was my fear. Like most people, I fear what I cannot control and there is nothing controllable about unconditional love. Quite the opposite. In one of his letters to the early church in Corinth, Paul writes an eloquent passage on love describing it as “non-judging” and “always hopeful” (1Corinthians 13). When confronted with this amazing love, most people can scarcely believe it is true and turn away in disbelief. Others, much like myself many days, accept it as if on condition and spend their lives trying to earn it. Neither is the response God ultimately desires. God desires people who worship Him not our of fear or obligation, but out of response to His unfathomable love. Life with God is not about trying to earn His love or redemption, it is about walking in joy and peace knowing it is already yours in Christ.

Life Update (11/15/09): Some Things Change . . .

2009-11-16T14:02:00.000-06:00

I have passed the halfway point in my second quarter at Capella and the homework is mounting. Four more weeks to go and I have two major papers left to write. The main drawback I am finding in going to school online is that it means spending much time home in front of my computer, plus, as I mentioned to a fellow employee, there’s no class time or class work. It’s all homework. As the months progress, I really miss the one-to-one interaction with my classmates that I got at Bethel and Gordon. There’s part of me that’s really thinking of transferring to an on campus school in the coming quarters. Saint Cloud State has a program much like the one I’m currently in with Capella. There’s also Argosy University down in Florida. With them I would do much of my work here in MN and go there for a two-week intensive every quarter. We will see how it all develops.

Work continues on. I have yet to hear back from Human Resources about my driving privileges, so I continue to work mainly as a PCA. One of the clients that I work with was finally able to buy and move into a home of his own. He has a six member family including children and grandchildren and they all wanted to live together. I have been working with them for over a year now trying to find them a home and am relieved to know that is done and we can move on to other goals.

Coincidently, I may need to do some house hunting of my own one of these days. Mark, my current roommate and landlord, may be getting engaged soon. That would mean I would need to move out. I have been renting in different places now, so the time may be at hand for me to finally buy a place of my own. The question is where. My folks would be glad to have me move down to Florida and I could take my work with Capella down there with me. On the other hand, I have gotten quite attached to my friends, church and current employer here, so it might behoove me to stay. I will probably be talking with the realtor who helped the family I mentioned above find their place soon. We shall see. Prayers always appreciated.

Meaningful Words (10/04/09)

2009-10-04T14:21:00.000-05:00

So, what story(ies) are you living in? Is it leading to the conclusion that you want? Really? Poems, like stories, can bring to light the truths laid deep in our hearts. Here are a few that speak to me of good things to be a part of:

Homeless Kids

Their eyes stare at you with sadness,

As they look at you through their half-priced glasses.

How can you say she’s a nuisance?

How can you say he doesn’t exist?

What is this mess?

Is there distress?

Who can wash the tears from their eyes?

Listen to their good-byes?

He can, He can

Yes, Jesus can.

Worthy

Who am I?

Did He really have to die?

For me, to live?

Am I worth the blood?

Am I worth the pain?

I look up to Heaven for an answer.

And He turns to me.

And says:

“My child, you’re worth it all!”

This Cross

I wear this cross around my neck to remind me

To remind me that I am no longer my own

To remind me that I have been bought with a price

To remind me that 2,000 years ago He died in my place

He took the blame that should have been mine

He took the pain that should have been mine

Every bad thought that goes through my head

Every terrible deed that I take part in

Every sin that I commit

Was summed up in those six hours He spent dying on this cross.

This cross reminds me that I have a Savior

No longer must I go it alone

This cross reminds me that I have a Father

No longer must I be a prodigal son

This cross reminds me that I have a family

No longer am I the only one

This cross reminds me of a Man who cared.

He cared for the homeless

He cared for the lonely

He cared for the brokenhearted

He cared for those without a heart

He cared for those society tears apart

He cared for sinners like you and me

He cared for everyone that we do and do not see.

He cared and He still cares

This cross stands for grace

Of greater worth than any gold

This cross stands for mercy

Enough to cover the greatest of sinners a hundred times over

This cross stands for strength

His made perfect in our weakness

This cross stands for power

An immeasurable amount to awesome to even comprehend

This cross stands for love

Unlike any ever imagined or seen

This cross stands for compassion

To receive back a wayward soul that cost Him His own life.

This cross stands for Jesus, my Savior and my Lord!

My friends, it has been good to share with you once more! Thank you for staying with me thus far. Feel free to reply back to this message with comments, news and prayers of your own. It is always good to hear from my brothers and sisters in Christ and from each of you. May God continue to shower His many blessings upon you!

Sharing My Life (10/04/09): Our Story

2009-10-04T14:20:00.000-05:00

A few weeks ago, the pastors at Open Door started a new sermon series based on Paul’s letter to the church in Colossi. As is the habit at this church, they are still working through the first few verses and have been spending much time talking about what it means to be “in Christ.” Part of their emphasis which stood out to me was that to be “in Christ” means to be a part of His story.

Last night I was watching Australia with Hugh Jackman and Nicole Kidman and found this theme of being in a story woven into that film. One of the main characters was a child by the name of Nullah. He was a child born of a native mother and a white father, and was not really accepted by either society. Nullah and others like him were called the Stolen Generation. Being neither native or white, he had no shared story to be a part of. Fortunately, his grandfather, an Aboriginal medicine man was willing to take him under his wing and bring him into that story.

So comes the question, what story am I living in? What story are you living in? Are we living in the great American story of success and power? Are we living in the stories of our families, handed down to us by our parents and their parents? Are we living in the story of our local community, be it church, school, business or other? This is not meant as a criticism or judgment. I too find myself living within certain stories. I raise the issue only to heighten our awareness.

Christ also offers a story to live in. As I mentioned before, part of being in Christ is being part of His story. The story is of God creating a people to love, a people that turn their backs to Him many times. Christ’s is a story of God giving us His law that we might come to know Him and then sending His own Son to embody that law among us. His is a story of a God Who loved His people so much, He sacrificed His own Son to bring us back to Him. This is the story that Jesus Christ invites us to be a part of!

Maybe you are now aware of the stories you are part of in your life. Some of them are healthy ones; some are not. We can choose which stories we will live in. Maybe you know of someone who, like Nullah, is without a story to call their own. Perhaps you can be the one to adopt them into yours or even invite them into Christ’s. His arms are always open to gather in another lost sheep.

Life Update (10/04/09): Back to School Again

2009-10-04T14:19:00.000-05:00

Fall has come to Minnesota. Gone are the long summer days filled with warm weather and outdoor fun. Winter has not come yet, but for now the temperatures are staying below 60 and I just finished packing away my shorts and T-shirts. This month also marks the start of a new quarter at Capella. This time I will be taking two courses: Ethnicity & Diversity and Theories of Personality. My work as a PCA continues to increase as my supervisors have yet to lift the prohibition on my driving with clients. Last I heard, it could be anywhere from 6 months to a year before I get that privilege back. In addition, I am volunteering through Open Door as a tutor for students at CityView, a Minneapolis public K-8th grade school that they have been in relationship with for a while. As you can see, it is going to be a busy season for me. Prayers are always appreciated.

Book Review: North or Be Eaten by Andrew Peterson

2009-09-14T15:39:00.000-05:00

In this novel, Andrew continues his tale of the Igiby’s and their flight from the hands of Fangs of Dang. Having had the truth of their identities revealed to them at the end of the first novel, Janner, Tink and Leeli must now come to grips with their roots. The growing tension between Janner and Tink is especially intriguing to watch. Neither seems that comfortable with their new found positions in life. It reminds me of how the kings of Israel and the apostles were not always fond of the responsibility that came with their posts. This is a good message to me and the members of my generation. I have seen in myself and my fellows, a hesitancy to take positions of authority and an uncertainty about taking responsibility for the consequences of the choices we have made.

I remember at the end of the first novel being a bit disenchanted when everyone made it through to the end. Where’s the intrigue if it all ends happily at the end? Yet in this novel, Andrew brought the Igeby’s through even more struggles and tribulations, making the story richer for it. I was sorry to see Leeli’s beloved Nugget, but I knew her character would grow stronger through the tragedy. Andrew, if you read this, I thank you foe another great novel and I look forward to reading the next.

Book Review: On the Edge of the Dark Sea of Darkness by Andrew Peterson

2009-09-14T15:37:00.000-05:00

I have been a long time fan of Andrew Peterson’s music, all the way back to his tour with Caedmon’s Call in the ’90’s. His music and lyrics are always rich and full of meaning. So, when I heard he was writing books I thought I might pick up a copy. I read through On the Edge of the Dark Sea of Darkness in less than a week and found myself eagerly waiting for more. Andrew’s use of humor along with adventurous and character rich storytelling makes for a wonderful read. It reminded me much of another favorite series of mine, C.S. Lewis’ Chronicles of Narnia.

Another part about this novel I enjoyed was Andrew’s subtle spiritual undertones. Like the Janners being the very Jewels of Anniera they had heard so much about their whole lives. It reminded me of how Paul describes us as God’s treasure in earthen vessels. The fact that Andrew was subtle in his sharing of his faith through writing makes it an even more compelling read. So much of Christian literature is right in your face with it’s symbolism and preaching, yet I have always enjoyed the softer, somewhat secretive voice of subtleness.

Meaningful Words (9/13/09)

2009-09-13T19:23:00.001-05:00

As I ponder all that God has brought me through these past few months a couple of my poems come to mind, as well as a song by a secular group:

He is Bigger

I sit on the riverbank and rest awhile.

The water comes to rest and bumps on the sand.

I sit there contemplating I do not know what.

Believers and Atheists alike search for a meaning to life, to love, to death.

And it's standing right there before them,

With its crown of thorns and nail-pierced hands and feet.

The Atheists look and what do they see?

They see nothing for they do not know how to look,

And some don't care to look at all.

The Believers look and what do they see?

They see what they want to see, and nothing more.

But there's more to this life,

More to this love,

More to this death,

And more to this God.

This God is bigger. (2x)

No matter what your sin,

No matter what you've been through.

No matter what you've done.

No matter where you've been.

This God is bigger. (2x)

Jesus is bigger. (2x)

Yes, our God Jesus is bigger. (2x)

Bigger then we will ever know. (3x, fade 3)

There is a White

There is a white for this black of ours.

It will show itself in its hour,

But we who hold it in our hearts,

No ray of dark can penetrate our parts.

But what of this light?

What use is it, if it cannot shine bright!

Too often we turn away its source.

We take out our swords,

Made by the hand of Satan,

And slash it into oblivion.

But this light cannot die.

It cannot be swept away.

There are those who have claimed it

And the light lives on in them.

The light has a place in all of our hearts.

Every single one must play its part.

Through them this world will change.

Through them it will exchange

Its darkness for the EVERLASTING LIGHT!

A-men

Everything You Want

Somewhere there's speaking

It's already coming in

Oh and it's rising at the back of your mind

You never could get it

Unless you were fed it

Now you're here and you don't know why

But under skinned knees and the skid marks

Past the places where you used to learn

You howl and listen

Listen and wait for the

Echoes of angels who won't return

[Chorus]

He's everything you want

He's everything you need

He's everything inside of you

That you wish you could be

He says all the right things

At exactly the right time

But he means nothing to you

And you don't know why

You're waiting for someone

To put you together

You're waiting for someone to push you away

There's always another wound to discover

There's always something more you wish he'd say

[Chorus]

But you'll just sit tight

And watch it unwind

It's only what you're asking for

And you'll be just fine

With all of your time

It's only what you're waiting for

Out of the island

Into the highway

Past the places where you might have turned

You never did notice

But you still hide away

The anger of angels who won't return

[Chorus]

I am everything you want

I am everything you need

I am everything inside of you

That you wish you could be

I say all the right things

At exactly the right time

But I mean nothing to you and I don't know why

And I don't know why

Why

I don't know

- Vertical Horizon

God is everything we desire, even if sometimes we want nothing to do with Him. He loves us and He wants to use us to change the world in ways we cannot even imagine, or may not even really want to. I pray that God will open each one of your hearts to the work that He is doing in and through your lives. God wants you to be with Him in this. He is inviting you to work with Him to redeem and change this world. Will you heed the call?

Sharing My Life (9/13/09): Working with Others

2009-09-13T19:21:00.001-05:00

These past few months I continue to work as a Personal Care Attendant, physically caring for people with disabilities. One of the lessons God uses this work to teach me is how to work with others, whether they be my fellow employees, clients, family members or friends. During this time God is really brining my passiveness to light. Most people who know me would say that I am a laid back guy. Not much seems to ruffle my feathers. Yet underneath, my mind is spinning with thoughts and my heart is teaming with emotions. Most of the time when I am frustrated, I have learned to keep quiet and pray about the situation. God has brought me through much in the past and this has taught me to trust Him. Yet, at times I see others who are not so silent or peaceful. They make their demands and frustrations known to the world and things change. At least for a time.

As I share my own desires and struggles with those around me, I endeavor to do so with gentleness and grace, so as not to create burdens for them or obligate them to respond in a certain way. Sometimes I get what I want, other times, I do not. Yet many of the times I do not get what I want, I come to see, in retrospect, that I am really better off without it. Life is not about getting what you want, or even wanting what you get. It is about using what God gives you to do His work in your life and those around you. In the end you probably will not get everything you want or think you need, but then do we really know, for sure, what we need and want? If we had everything we wanted, would we really be satisfied?

Life Update (9/13/09): Romania Trip

2009-09-13T19:16:00.003-05:00

I know it has been a while since I last wrote. This newsletter is going from a monthly, to a bi-monthly, and now to a whenever I find the time publication ;-) Not intentionally, mind you, it just happens that way, I guess. My apologies to those who crave structure ;-) Anyway, the most exciting event of the summer was definitely my trip to Romania. As I mentioned in my last letter, I have recently finished Greg Bourgond’s Heart of a Warrior, a men’s spiritual formation journey. During the last few sessions of that journey, Greg mentioned that he was heading to Romania this summer for a second time to led Men’s Advances there and wanted to take one of us. I volunteered and at the end of August, off we went.

We spent nine days there and helped Greg lead two Men’s Advances during which he taught about how men can grow in their relationships with God, each other and their families through blessing and instilling values in those we love. During the second conference, I met a Romanian man by the name of Voyku. He is the one pictured with me in the photo to the left. Voyku is, without a doubt, one of God’s walking miracles.

A year or so ago, Voyku was in a terrible car accident here in the States. He and his brother, Cosmin, were visiting friends here. The accident left Voyku in a coma, which lead to him being diagnosed as brain dead and thus unable to live without life-support measures. Neither Voyku nor his brother had the money to do this, so the doctors decided to take Voyku off life-support, indicating that he probably would not live much longer after they did so. Cosmin, however, did not believe God was through with Voyku yet. He walked into Voyku’s room and called out his name three times. On the last call, Voyku’s eyes opened and he even tried to get up out of bed. The doctors were amazed! Six months later, Voyku returned to the hospital able to move the right side of his body and speak with pauses. The doctors were speechless and prescribed physical therapy. When I met him, he was able to walk without assistance and his left side was getting stronger every day. The last day of that conference Greg, a few other men and I gathered around Voyku to honor his strength, to praise God for His mighty work in Voyku’s life and ask His blessing and continued healing for Voyku. As for me, my faith was strengthened just by meeting Voyku. I am definitely returning next year to see his progress and to help in whatever way I can to further God’s work there in Romania. All the money I received for my birthday yesterday is going towards funding that trip and you are welcome to contribute as well, if you like.

Personal Life Mandate (developed by Michel J. Willard & Greg Bourgond

2009-09-13T15:16:00.002-05:00

LIFE PURPOSE

My vision is to work with people and churches that have been wrecked by the world to help them see how God has been present with them even in the midst of their tragedies and He is inviting them to turn these tragedies into spiritual laboratories where God can hone and shape them into the men, women and churches He has designed them to be and connecting them with stronger Christians and churches that can support them along this journey.

COMMITTED PASSION

My committed passion is to help facilitate a journey to wholeness for people buffeted by the difficulties of life, people who have suffered debilitation, people who have been scarred by their experience, people who have experienced devastating loss, people who have been marginalized or disenfranchised, and people, by their own action, who have become addicted in one way or another seeking to cope with the struggles in their lives.

ROLE CHARACTERISTICS

The characteristics of a role that will support my life purpose and committed passion include the following:

Opportunities to nurture and develop deep and meaningful relationships.
Flexibility to take the time to invest in those meaningful relationships.
Ability to share my relationship with God in Christ as the source of all real meaning in my relationships.
Ability to network resources to finance those I'm working with who need it and know how to use it well.
Ability to network struggling people with more developed ones who can help them grow.
Ability to network struggling churches with stronger ones in mutually beneficial relationships.
Availability of training in personality, strength and skill compatibility.

UNIQUE METHODOLOGIES

I intend to act faithfully through a commitment to acting in accordance with my ministry principles and core values, by leveraging my natural strengths, by finding appropriate expression for my personality temperament, by exercising my leadership style in appropriate and life-giving ways, and by applying my innate abilities and acquired skills.

My unique methodologies find their roots in essentially five major ministry insights that have thematically repeated themselves over time in my ministry experience.

Living a Holy Spirit empowered life in dependence upon God in the model of His Son Jesus Christ is the only way to truly live life to it’s fullness. (Rom 5:1, Rom 5:5, Rom 6:4-11, 1Cor 12:3, Gal 2:20, Gal 5:5)
God loves every person on this earth and desires him/her to be in intimate relationship with Him. (Jn. 3:16, 1Pet 3:9)
We were not meant to live this life on our own, but in community with God and His people. (Ecl. 4:9-12, Matt. 18:15-17, Jn. 15, 1Jn 1:5-7)
No one is perfect, but Jesus Christ. (2Cor 5:21, Heb 4:15)
Prayer is foundational to everything else. (Phil 4:6-7)
Honesty is always the best policy. (Prov 14:5, Lk 8:15, Eph 4:25, Col 3:9)
Trust is earned, not given. (Ps 25:2, Ps 111:7, Ps 115:9, Ps 118: 8-9)
Trust precedes intimacy. (Jn 15:4)
Love is the most powerful force in the universe. (1Cor 13)
Relationships are where real life happens. (1Jn 3:10-12)
Good relationships take time to develop and require two-way effort. (Jn 15:4, Jesus relationship w/ Peter)
Humility and integrity are the keys to true authenticity. (Rom 5:3-5, 2Cor 4:7-9)
Humility and character come through suffering. (Rom 5: 3-5, 2Cor 4:7-9)
Compassion and trust are the keys to a good relationship. (Jn 21:15-19)
Community is built through loyal friendship. (Ecl 4:9-12, Matt 18:15-17, Jn 6:66-68)

Core Values:

Authenticity: To let the light of my true identity in Christ in show through with every person I interact with in all situations I find myself in. (Prov. 11:3, Eph 2:10, Tit. 2:6-8).
Compassion: To see and care for others in a Christ-like manner. (Isaiah 54:7-8, Matt. 9:36, Matt. 25:31-46, Lk. 15:11-31, 1Pet 3:9).
Growth: I am not the same person I was yesterday and am daily being formed into Christ’s likeness by the power of His Holy Spirit at work in my heart. (Rom 5:1-5, 2Cor 4:7-9, 16-18).
Faithfulness: To stay true to my friends and my convictions. (Josh. 24:14, Matt 5:33-37, Eph. 4:1-16, 2Pet 1:5-9).
Community: To live in true fellowship with my fellow Christians and non-Christians by caring for them as Christ does and receiving their care as a manifestation of God’s love to me. (Ecc 4:9-12, Matt 18:15-17, John 13:34-35, John 17:20-26).

Spiritual Gifts:

I intend to use my spiritual gifts to further God’s redemptive purposes in alignment with His leading in my life. These gifts will be cultivated and matured as I exercise them faithfully through service opportunities provided by Him. These gifts include Mercy, Shepherd, Knowledge, Teaching, and Exhortation.

Natural Strengths:

Empathy – I sense the feelings of others by imagining myself in their lives or other situations.
Connectedness – I have faith in the links between all things; there are few coincidences and almost every event has a reason.
Individualization – I am intrigued with the unique qualities of each person. I have a gift for figuring out how people who are different can work together productively.
Developer – I recognize and seek to develop the potential in others. I can spot the signs of each small improvement and derive satisfaction from these improvements.
Belief – I have certain core values that are unchanging. Out of these values emerges a defined purpose for my life.

Personality Temperament: INFP - introversion (I), intuitive (N), feeling (F), perceiving (P)

I am idealistic, loyal to my values and to people who are important to me. I want an external life that is congruent with my values. I am curious, quick to see possibilities, and I can be a catalyst for implementing ideas. I seek to understand people and to help them fulfill their potential. I am adaptable, flexible, and accepting unless a value is threatened.

Leadership Style: primary - partner; secondary – coach; I work best coming alongside others and working together to reach goals and objectives. I also enjoy coaching others so that they realize they can do more than they think.

Aptitudes: I possess the innate abilities of listening, observation, analysis, and creativity.

Acquired Skills: I have acquired competency in counseling, writing, singing, and story telling.

ULTIMATE CONTRIBUTION

I realize that I am still growing and being developed as a man of God, so my vision of what God is calling me to accomplish is still very much in process. As I look towards the future and reflect about what I feel God desires me to do with my life, I see people working together in mutually beneficial partnerships, helping each other to growing Christ. This was made possible through people seeing how I partnered with others in their spiritual development and feeling led to do likewise. In a similar way, I envision churches partnering with each other to help each other grow into the churches God designed them to be. I see people encouraging each other to focus on and grow in their strengths, while also watching out for when their weakness become their downfall. As a platform for all of this, I see a foundation called Lazarus Developments that works to partner with individuals and churches to empower them financially, spiritually and any other way they feel led to in order to help their partners grow in Christ. Resources are not just given away, they are given to promote the development of God’s kingdom here on earth.

Meaning Words (4/10/09)

2009-08-10T20:19:00.001-05:00

Pondering the new developments in my life and pursuing God’s best reminds me of a few of my older poems. For some of you, this may be a relief, as I realize I have been recycling favorite poems a lot this year. For others who wish to read over those treasures, feel free to look up the archives here

Unnamed
I do not claim to be a wise man
Just a student of the Word
And I listen to what He tells me.
It’s more than I can grasp.

Ohhh, Lord, Your knowledge is great,
Your wisdom, unlimited.
You teach me Your Word.
And I am so glad.

It’s You that I run to,
When I don’t understand.
You show to Your knowledge
And now I understand.

But yet, I still don’t comprehend,
This knowledge that you show!
Ohh, Lord, it’s only by your grace,
That I can understand.

When I was a little child,
I asked to learn
Of this world
That I now know.
But I also know,
He’s not done with me yet

There is a White
There is a white for this black of ours.
It will show itself in its hour,
But we who hold it in our hearts,
No ray of dark can penetrate our parts.

But what of this light?
What use is it, if it cannot shine bright!
Too often we turn away its source.
We take out our swords,
Made by the hand of Satan,
And slash it into oblivion.

But this light cannot die.
It cannot be swept away.
There are those who have claimed it
And the light lives on in them.

The light has a place in all of our hearts.
Every single one must play its part.
Through them this world will change.
Through them it will exchange
Its darkness for the EVERLASTING LIGHT!

A-men

You Desire?

The jailer called for lights, rushed in and fell trembling before Paul and Silas. 30 He then brought them out and asked, “Sirs, what must I do to be saved?”

They replied, “Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved —you and your household.”

-Acts 16:29-31

Just believe and you will be saved.
Yet even the demons believe in Christ and they certainly will not be saved
So what is it that You require?
What is it that you desire?
A heart undivided full of fire?
Will that be enough to inspire?

No, my spirit says, You want more
More than a life filled with good works
More than all the money I can earn
More than my first born son
So much more than I can ever give
And yet the answer is simple

You do not want my heart
You do not want my works
You do not want my family
All you really want is me
All of me

Thank you to each of you who have read this far and continue to follow my life and journey with God. It is my prayer that you will find these musings encouraging and that your faith in Christ will be built up through hearing if God’s work in me. We are all His masterpieces, and the world has yet to see what we and, indeed, God’s whole church is fully capable of through Christ our Lord.

Sharing My Life (8/10/09): God's Best?

2009-08-10T20:17:00.000-05:00

The other night I was at Appleby’s fellowshipping with some of my fellow singles from Open Door and I overheard some of the women talking about “not settling for anything less than God’s best.” From the rest of the conversation I heard, I could tell they were talking about their love lives. It got me reflecting about what it would mean to pursue God’s best in every area of our life. I think this query actually involves two questions: What is God’s best and how are we pursuing it? From a human perspective, God’s best might mean finding the perfect spouse, job, house or whatever takes priority in our lives. Yet is that really God’s best? Israel had an idea about what God’s best for them would be. They envisioned their messiah to be a conquering hero, a second coming of David, who would over through Rome and reign as king over Israel. However, God had a different idea. Instead of a conquering hero, He sent a humble carpenter. Jesus was not interested in overthrowing the Roman empire, He was interested in overthrowing the power of sin and the kingdoms we allow it to create in our lives and world. So, God’s best for us is far different than our perception of what would be best for us.

If that’s true, what does it mean to pursue God’s best? Here to, I think we are in for a bit of a surprise. Often when I think about finding the perfect wife, I picture a beautiful woman who is passionate about her relationship with God and cares for His people as I do, yet God may have someone else in mind, or He may be calling me to a live of singleness, like Paul. Though I do hope it’s not the later ;-) God may bring someone into my life who doesn’t fit my ideal of a future wife, yet through bringing her into relationship with me and I with her, it becomes clear that we are meant to be together. If this is the case, I think pursuing God’s best begins with a humble prayer and an open heart. We pray that we will be able to recognize God’s leading in our lives and be obedient in following Him

Life Update (8/10/09): New Developments

2009-08-10T20:16:00.000-05:00

Much has happened since last I wrote you all. For one, I am currently finishing up my first course at Capella University. It was a Survey in Human Development and it looks like I have done well so far, all A’s on my assignments and discussions. Going to school online has taken a bit of getting used to. All interaction between students and the professor happens online through Capella’s Blackboard. Lectures and student interaction happens through Discussion Board posts and replies. All assignments are handed in via attachment. While I appreciate the flexibility that online education offers me, I do miss the personal interaction between my professor and my fellow students. We will see how things shape up over the next few months as I get into further courses with them.

In addition, there’s been a bit of an unexpected change in my work with Accessible Space, Inc. Towards the end of July, I got a letter from the Department of Motor Vehicles (DMV) informing me that I had amassed 5 traffic violations over the past 2 years and that, accordingly, my Driver’s License would be suspended for the next month. I informed my supervisor of this news and after consulting with others on staff; she told me that my driving privileges with the company would also now be suspended, meaning that I would no longer be allowed to drive clients around. I did get a work permit that allowed me to drive to client’s residences and work with them there. As a result, I ended up having to hand the majority of my clients over to another worker and take on some shifts as a Personal Care Attendant. The upside of this is that it affords me more time to do course work for Capella University.

One last new development; a month or so ago, I completed Greg Bourgond’s Focus of a Warrior spiritual development course and will soon be posting my Personal Life Mandate, which that course helped me complete. During that course, Greg mentioned that he would be doing several workshops in Romania towards the end of this month and invited the men to come along. I accepted the invitation and will be heading there on August 22, 2009 to return on August 31, 2009. My folks will be meeting me at the airport when I return and they will be spending September visiting with me here in Minnesota. Your prayers regarding all of this are always greatly appreciated!

Meaningful Words (6/21/09)

2009-06-21T18:13:00.000-05:00

With the demands of school, work, friends and all the other issues in my life, I definitely need to abide in Christ to gain His peace amidst it all. In that vein, here are a few poems I have written about finding peace in Him:

Lord, I Would Die for You

*If it would mean the salvation

Of one more sinner

Lord, I’d die for you.

For I cried the servant’s tears

It feels like I’ve served for a thousand years

And yet still the joy fulfills me.

But sometimes in the dark

You know I feel so afraid

Afraid to tell them of You

It seems easier to die.

I try to follow Your Word

But at times to do so seems almost absurd.

Lord, I want to do Your will.

But instead I just lie still.

And feel the warm embrace of Your love

*2I want to be a sacrifice

Lord, take all of me.

I want to be a sacrifice.

Lord, take all of me.

All of me.

All my selfish fear

Let Your precious blood wash away each tear

All my evil sin

Cleanse me from within

Till nothing remains

And there are no more stains

But all that is left is Your love.

And Your Holy Spirit in me as a dove.

**2

The Silence

A cloud covers the joy of my life

The flame in my heart feels the cold wind of depression

No one seems to notice, no one seems to care.

The pain grows deep making its impression.

Yet this I know for sure,

While the clouds of darkness roll in

And my eyes with tears start to fill

My Lord, my God and my Redeemer loves me still!

Though His face seems turned away

I know His eyes will never stray.

Though His Presence is no longer felt

I know my tears His heart will melt.

I end, You begin

God, I’m tired, I’m through, I can’t do anymore

Since when did this life become such a chore?

My body is weary, my spirits are low

Why does it seem what I reap is far from what I sow?

Everything in me says go on and die

Yet deep inside me, there You still lie.

You say, it’s good I’m tired, it’s good I’m through, It’s good I can’t do anymore.

Now the real work begins, now I can really soar.

If I am at my end, that means I must turn to You again

Let Your Spirit refresh me, and Your blood wash me clean

For when I end, then You truly do begin

Thank you for joining me once again as I share with you my life and journey with God. I pray you are encouraged by what you read here. Please let me know of any way that I keep you in prayer this month and others. Keep me in prayer also. I may sound like I know it all ;-) Really, I’m just as in need of prayer as any other. Thank you again for reading and praying. I hope all is well with each of you. God bless!

Sharing My Life (6/21/09): Trusting in God

2009-06-21T18:12:00.000-05:00

About a month or so ago, my Dad asked me what I thought Jesus would say to this current world. How would He call this current generation to seek Him? Would He tell them of their sin and that they need to pursue righteousness? What do sin and righteousness look like these days? In my experience, Jesus approaches people based on their needs. While I cannot speak for everyone in this world, I can say how this has worked in my own life.

At this point in my life, one of my most pressing needs is peace. Busyness plagues our society in so many ways. I now have school, work, social life, recovery and other things all vying for my attention and in the midst of it all I desire to have a vibrant relationship with God. Each thing in my life requires my full attention to attend to it well, yet how do I balance it all. The truth is I cannot; nor was I ever meant to. I am convinced that God constantly sends more our way than we can handle. He does this not to overwhelm and punish us, but to drive us to Him. It is only within my relationship with God that I can ever hope to manage the beautiful mess of my life. He is the One ultimately in control anyway, so it only stands to reason that if I to have balance in my life, I need to abide in Him. Learning to abide in Him daily. There in lies my peace!

Life Update (6/21/09): Back to School

2009-06-21T18:09:00.002-05:00

Following my application denial from Bethel Seminary’s MFT program, I decided to pursue my options elsewhere. In looking at various degree programs and state licensure requirements. I discovered that while getting a graduate certificate would allow me to get licensed here in Minnesota. However, if I ever wanted to practice anywhere else, like Florida to be closer to my folks, I would need still further training. What I really needed to do was to go ahead and get a second Master’s in Counseling. It was even better the school was accredited by the Council for Accreditation of Counseling and Related Educational Programs (CACREP) and had a program that could fit my schedule as an ILS Worker. I found all of that with Capella University’s Master of Science in Mental Health Counseling. Capella is an online university that is fully accredited by CACREP and the Higher Learning Commission. Currently I am enrolled in Survey of Research in Human Development and classes have been in session for a couple weeks now. So far, it’s going all right.

2009-06-02T21:03:00.001-05:00

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For all those among my readers who are or know anybody in our US Armed Forces. You are appreciated and prayed for!

Meaning Words (4/26/09)

2009-04-26T17:09:00.001-05:00

Last night I went to a Jars of Clay concert with a friend and being there with her listening to this band that’s been around now for close to 15 years made me think of a few of their songs that remind me of seeking God, as well as one of my own poems:

Don’t Stop
You told them that I hung the moon
It was a lonely sliver hanging from the sky
I said I put it there for you
I didn’t think that it would make you cry

Don’t stop, don’t stop for me now
Don’t stop, don’t stop for me now

My recurring dream of you
Starlight in your eyes and music everywhere
I am dancing close to you
There are no days or nights we’ve left behind

Don’t stop, don’t stop for me now
Don’t stop, don’t stop for me now
When you’re running, you’re running far away
And you don’t know what to do with all my love
Don’t stop for me now

Why is it so hard to say that you need me
The way that I need you

There are no days, there are no nights, we’ve left them all behind
And you can run so far that I won’t reach
There are no places I won’t find you

Don’t stop, don’t stop for me now
Don’t stop, don’t stop for me now
You keep running, yeah you’re running far away
When all I want to do is be with you my love
You can run so far, run so far, my love
By the light of the moon I will get to you somehow
So don’t stop for me now

-Jars of Clay, “Long Fall Back to Earth”

Heart
I let it get dark, so you'll see the stars
They'll say we're in love, we probably are
No mountains to climb, papers to sign
Offer your heart, I've given you mine

One flag left to burn, one country to fall
One soul to pour out, one love to catch all
No walls to defend, wars to align
Give me your heart, you already have mine
No mountains to climb, papers to sign
Offer your heart, I've given you mine

No mountains to climb, papers to sign
Offer your heart, I've given you mine
No walls to defend, wars to align
Give me your heart, you already have mine
Give me your heart, you already have mine
Offer your heart, I've given you mine

-Jars of Clay, “Long Back Fall to Earth

Worlds Apart
I am the only one to blame for this
Somehow it all ends up the same
Soaring on the wings of selfish pride
I flew too high and like Icarus I collide
With a world I try so hard to leave behind
To rid myself of all but love
to give and die

To turn away and not become
Another nail to pierce the skin of one who loves
more deeply than the oceans,
more abundant than the tears
Of a world embracing every heartache

Can I be the one to sacrifice
Or grip the spear and watch the blood and water flow

To love you - take my world apart
To need you - I am on my knees
To love you - take my world apart
To need you - broken on my knees

All said and done I stand alone
Amongst remains of a life I should not own
It takes all I am to believe
In the mercy that covers me

Did you really have to die for me?
All I am for all you are
Because what I need and what I believe are worlds apart

[Additional lyrics:]

I look beyond the empty cross
forgetting what my life has cost
and wipe away the crimson stains
and dull the nails that still remain
More and more I need you now,
I owe you more each passing hour
the battle between grace and pride
I gave up not so long ago
So steal my heart and take the pain
and wash the feet and cleanse my pride
take the selfish, take the weak,
and all the things I cannot hide
take the beauty, take my tears
the sin-soaked heart and make it yours
take my world all apart
take it now, take it now
and serve the ones that I despise
speak the words I can't deny
watch the world I used to love
fall to dust and thrown away
I look beyond the empty cross
forgetting what my life has cost
so wipe away the crimson stains
and dull the nails that still remain
so steal my heart and take the pain
take the selfish, take the weak
and all the things I cannot hide
take the beauty, take my tears
take my world apart, take my world apart
I pray, I pray, I pray
take my world apart

-Jars of Clay, “Jars of Clay”

-Michel Jon Willard

As I reflect back over the past months, years and all that God has brought me through and has taught me, I find myself humbled and thankful for Him and His continuing work in and through my life. Even more, I find myself grateful for each of you and the impact that you have made in me and that God has made in my life through you. The words of Paul in his letter to the church in Philippi once again come to mind concerning each of you: “I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus” (Philippians 1:3-6).

Sharing My Life (4/26/09): Seeking God

2009-04-26T17:08:00.001-05:00

As one might imagine, I did find getting faced with rejections on two fronts a bit discouraging. However, in the midst of it, I also came to realize something different about the way I was seeking to follow God. Back in High School when I first came to know Christ, I remember praying constantly to know the will of God, so I could live my life accordingly. Certainly not a bad prayer, but looking back on it, I realize that I was thinking in terms of specifics like: Which college did God want me to go to? Which major would best prepare me for the life He had set out before me? Which friends would best support and encourage me in my continuing walk with God? All good questions, yet over the years, as I have walked with God, read through scripture, and prayerfully sought to apply it in my life, I have come to see that living according to God’s will is more about a way of life and less about the specific tasks and plans I make while living it.

Let me illustrate this a bit more by looking at one of the classic passages I was presented win in terms of seeking after God’s will. In the Old Testament, Micah, one of the Minor Prophets writes:

“He has showed you, O man, what is good.

And what does the Lord require of you?

To act justly and to love mercy

and to walk humbly with your God” (Micah 6:8).

What does Micah say God requires of us? Is it a particular job or the right mate or the right college, or even the right church? Interestingly enough, the passage has nothing to say about those specifics. It’s almost like Micah is saying God is more concerned about the particulars of how you are walking with Him regardless of what job you have, who you marry, where you graduate from or even where you worship Him. The question is not how are you seeking God’s will for your life, but how are you seeking God?

Life Update (4/26/09): Following Leads

2009-04-26T17:06:00.001-05:00

Towards the middle of March I really began to realize that over the past few years God has invested a lot in me through the experiences He has lead me through and the many things He has shown and taught me through those experiences. As such, I began to feel a desire to invest that experience and knowledge in others. Round that same time, two opportunities came my way to serve and put my experience and knowledge to work.

First, my church, the Church of the Open Door, is starting a new kind of youth program this coming Fall. They want to set up every youth from grades 7 through 12 with a Mentor and set those Mentors up with Mentor Coordinators to support them. It turned out I was too old to be a Mentor for them, but I did fit the criteria for being a Mentor Coordinator. So, I applied and was interviewed. Unfortunately, though they thought I was well qualified and worthy of such a position, they had more applicants than positions, so I did not get chosen.

At the same time, a second opportunity came my way, when my folks encouraged me to pursue further studies and I applied for Bethel’s Marriage and Family Therapy Post-Graduate Certificate Program. I did get chose to take part in the Group Interview, but my application for admission was denied.

Currently, I am working at finding ways to invest in the clients that I am working with in ways that are appropriate to their needs and my working relationship with them. I am also seeking ways to become more active in my church and recovery community. We will see what happens.

Meaningful Words (3/7/09)

2009-03-07T14:01:00.001-06:00

I guess the real question is, can I be thankful for “Minnesota Nice”? In pondering this, I find myself thankful for the people in my life that call Minnesota their home. However, sometimes I wish they could understand that I really don’t need them to be so “nice” to me. I work to be gracious when I am confronted with my own mistakes and defects and hope that they learn from my example. It does hurt when people don’t think well of me or when I have to face the consequences of my own mistakes, yet it hurts even more when I find that the people who have a problem with me can’t bring themselves to say so to my face. Truly, I don’t bite ;-) After all, Jesus once said, “If your brother sins against you,a go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector” (Matthew 18:15-17).” That is the model for how we should work with others.

Here are two poems that I have found helpful in learning to be thankful in my relations with people and one poem of my own

Take Time
Take time to think...
it is the source of power.

Take time to play...
it is the secret of perpetual youth.

Take time to pray...
it is the greatest power on earth.

Take time to love and be loved...
it is a God-given privilege.

Take time to be friendly...
it is the road to happiness.

Take time to laugh...
it is the music of the soul.

Take time to give...
it is too short a day to be selfish.

Take time to work...
it is the price of success.

Take time to do charity...
it is the key to heaven.

Author Unknown

The Serenity Prayer
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

--Reinhold Niebuhr

Let Go
The Father:
I invite you, My child, to let go.
Let go of your need to worry,
for it really does you no good.
Let go of your need to control,
for you really have none.
Let go of your need for a plan,
for I am all you really ever need!

I invite you, My child, to let Me in.
Let Me into your concerns,
for I can bear your load.
Let Me into your life,
for I do know what I am doing.
Let Me into your heart,
for I am the One you were created for.

I invite you, My child,
to know the truth.
Know that I care for you and I will see to your needs.
Know that I am taking care of them even now.
Know that I am Your Faithful Father.

His Child:
Lord, help me to trust when I don’t want to trust
Lord, help me to love when I don’t want to love
Lord, help to give, when I don’t want to give
To give my life to You.

For you, Oh Lord, are the Lover of my soul
Yes, You, Oh Lord, are faithful.
Yes, You, Oh Lord, will watch over me
And care for me better than I ever could.

As I close out this letter, I do find myself extremely grateful for each of you and all of the people God has place in my life over the years. I know that God has shown me so much in my relationships with each of you and I pray He has blessed you through them as well.

Sharing My Life (3/7/09): Entitlement

2009-03-07T14:00:00.000-06:00

Living in Maple Grove and working with clients who live in and around the Twin Cities area often means that I’ve got a bit of a commute in the morning. Often, as I’m driving in, I listen to talk radio to hear the news of the day. When I listen to people’s reaction to our times, I hear a lot of entitlement. People see injustice all around and look to the government or others to fix the problems, even when they themselves may be the real cause of the problems in their lives. We so often find it easier to look outside than within.

One of the biggest changes I have noticed in my life since beginning to work a recovery program has been the sharp decrease in my sense of entitlement. I used to get mad at my teachers for giving me so much work, mad at my supervisors for expecting so much of me, mad at my friends for not being there when I needed them, the list goes on. I was even mad at God, sometimes for being so elusive about His will for my life. Yet over the past few years, I have found myself learning to trade entitlement for gratefulness. Now I am beginning to see the work people give me, the expectations they may have of me, and the presence of my friends in my life and things to be so thankful for. God has indeed blessed me richly over the years, and to me, feeling entitled to it, robs it of it’s true work. As James, the brother of Christ, writes,” Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change” (James 1:17).

Life Update (3/7/09): "Minnesota Nice"?

2009-03-07T13:59:00.001-06:00

I have lived in Minnesota now for a little over eight years and still find this trait of people here a bit frustrating. When I was living on the East Coast, in New Jersey and Massachusetts, I got used to people being pretty straight-forward with me, yet here it’s different. Many times I encounter people who are nice enough at first, but I later find out they could actually care less. This is most frustrating in the work environment. I will have clients who are very cordial and friendly with me, yet constantly critique my work to my supervisors. A few of my friends are sometimes like this, but I’m learning to confront this in my clients, supervisors and friends by learning to be consistently honest. If I have a problem with them, I am working to take it up with them, instead of letting it stew in my subconscious. If I make a mistake, I own up to it as soon as I become aware of it, instead of waiting for others to point it out. I can’t change the way others are, but I can work on changing myself through submitting to God’s work in my life and hope that they see this and desire for Him to work in their lives as well.

Meaningful Words (1/31/09): The Cross

2009-01-31T14:26:00.001-06:00

As I think about the many investments I am making in my life on God’s behalf, I find myself reminded of Jesus Christ’s death for us on the cross. That was certainly the most costly investment God has ever made in us, His children.

This Cross

I wear this cross around my neck to remind me

To remind me that I am no longer my own

To remind me that I have been bought with a price

To remind me that 2,000 years ago He died in my place

He took the blame that should have been mine

He took the pain that should have been mine

Every bad thought that goes through my head

Every terrible deed that I take part in

Every sin that I commit

Was summed up in those six hours He spent dying on this cross.

This cross reminds me that I have a Savior

No longer must I go it alone

This cross reminds me that I have a Father

No longer must I be a prodigal son

This cross reminds me that I have a family

No longer am I the only one

This cross reminds me of a Man who cared.

He cared for the homeless

He cared for the lonely

He cared for the brokenhearted

He cared for those without a heart

He cared for those society tears apart

He cared for sinners like you and me

He cared for everyone that we do and do not see.

He cared and He still cares

This cross stands for grace

Of greater worth than any gold

This cross stands for mercy

Enough to cover the greatest of sinners a hundred times over

This cross stands for strength

His made perfect in our weakness

This cross stands for power

An immeasurable amount to awesome to even comprehend

This cross stands for love

Unlike any ever imagined or seen

This cross stands for compassion

To receive back a wayward soul that cost Him His own life.

This cross stands for Jesus, my Savior and my Lord!

Nothing?

My children, I came to live with you.

I gave up My crown and throne to come be with you.

For 33 years I spoke truth and taught My ways.

Though I spoke the truth with love . . .

Still you heard what you wanted.

I spoke of love and grace,

You hear works and striving.

Does it mean nothing to you?

My children, I died for you.

For a long way I carried your sin.

I wore the crown of suffering.

You nailed Me to your cross.

For six hours I hung there praying for you.

I prayed for God to take My life.

To take it as payment for your debts.

I breathed My last in love.

Does it mean nothing?

My children, I stand before you.

My hands outstretched in love.

Look, see My hands and My feet.

The wounds that speak of sacrifice.

These wounds shed blood mixed with tears.

My children, I love you!

Does it mean nothing?

My children, you say it means everything.

You stand and sing My praises.

You claim My cross for your cause.

Yet your actions glorify Me not.

Your lips speak My Word.

Yet your heart plays a different chord.

Does it mean nothing?

Does it mean nothing to you?

DOES IT MEAN NOTHING?

DOES IT MEAN NOTHING TO YOU?

You Desire?

The jailer called for lights, rushed in and fell trembling before Paul and Silas. 30 He then brought them out and asked, “Sirs, what must I do to be saved?”

They replied, “Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved —you and your household.”

-Acts 16:29-31

Just believe and you will be saved.

Yet even the demons believe in Christ and they certainly will not be saved

So what is it that You require?

What is it that you desire?

A heart undivided full of fire?

Will that be enough to inspire?

No, my spirit says, You want more

More than a life filled with good works

More than all the money I can earn

More than my first born son

So much more than I can ever give

And yet the answer is simple

You do not want my heart

You do not want my works

You do not want my family

All you really want is me

All of me

This time I feel once again moved to end this letter with a prayer from scripture. It is the prayer that Paul prayer over the church in Ephesus and it speaks of his desire for them to experience God’s love for them. God’s love for each of us is His continuing investment in us. It is shown in His Spirit’s work in and through us among other ways. “For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom his whole familya in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen” (Ephesians 3:14-21)

Sharing My Life (1/31/09): Investing

2009-01-31T14:21:00.002-06:00

In light of the recent developments in our nation’s and even world’s economy, I have been reflecting and praying a lot about my investments. Not my financial ones as much as the other things I am investing in, such as people, organizations, churches and the like. What in my life am I spending time, money and energy in? What am I gaining back in return? Are there things in my life that it is not healthy for me to continue investing my time, energy and money into? Let me give you an example of what I’m talking about:

When I first moved to Maple Grove back in August I continued attending same church I had been and helping out with the same ministries that I had been when I lived down in Minneapolis and Saint Paul, while also attending church and helping out here in Maple Grove. This worked for a little while, but after a few months, I began to feel the strain of trying to worship and minister in two places at once. While I could continue to divide my spiritual energies in two, I felt God calling me to pick one and commit to it. That is why a couple months ago, I stopped heading down to Saint Paul to attend and help out with Evensong and started investing more of my time, money and energy into joining in with God’s work at Church of the Open Door. It’s not that Evensong was an unhealthy place for me to be. They are a wonderful church and I am so thankful for all God did in and through me among the people there. Yet, now I was feeling Him inviting me to be fully a part of what He is doing at Open Door.

There are a number of other areas in my life that I’m also looking at in this fashion. Maybe there are areas in your life where your money, energy and time are being spent in unhealthy ways? Maybe there are people, organizations, ministries or other things that God may be inviting you to invest more in then you currently are? Maybe God’s asking you to invest less in some things, so you can invest more in others? Whatever invitation you may be sensing, I pray you answer it, even if doing so may be painful or costly. A preacher once told me that how we are managing our finances is a good indicator of how we managing our spiritual lives. I think I would nuance that a bit to say that God has given each of us resources of a spiritual, financial, emotional, and social quality and He is calling each and every one of His children to invest and invest wisely.

Life Update (1/31/09): New Year

2009-01-31T14:19:00.001-06:00

Wow, I can’t believe it’s already the end of the first month of the New Year. So much has happened, yet so much remains the same. I’m still living in Maple Grove, MN. I’m still working as an Independent Living Skills (ILS) Worker for Accessible Space, Inc. My company is helping me to get closer to fuller time by giving me more clients, even as some of the caseworkers of my clients are asking me to consolidate my hours with them. Accessible Space has also finally given me business cards and a pager, which says even more that they are planning on keeping me around. That’s good news, especially in this economy.

I am also becoming more active at the Church of the Open Door here in Maple Grove, MN. About a month ago I took their First Step class that is offered to those who wish to know more about the church. This past month, I led a couple sessions for their Singles Ministry. I taught on Hearing from God and got a very warm and encouraging response from that group.

Meaningful Words (12/7/08)

2008-12-07T20:07:00.001-06:00

As I think about waiting within God’s ever-present love, peace and grace, the following poems come to mind,

There is a White

There is a white for this black of ours.

It will show itself in its hour,

But we who hold it in our hearts,

No ray of dark can penetrate our parts.

But what of this light?

What use is it, if it cannot shine bright!

Too often we turn away its source.

We take out our swords,

Made by the hand of Satan,

And slash it into oblivion.

But this light cannot die.

It cannot be swept away.

There are those who have claimed it

And the light lives on in them.

The light has a place in all of our hearts.

Every single one must play its part.

Through them this world will change.

Through them it will exchange

Its darkness for the EVERLASTING LIGHT!

A-men

Be Still

“Be still, and know that I am God;

I will be exalted among the nations,

I will be exalted in the earth.”

-Psalm 46:10

Be still, My child and know that you are loved.

Endless, limitless, eternal love is yours.

My Son paid the price and you are free to come.

Come and know Me

Come and know that you are loved.

Come with no expectations, for they will all be blown away.

Come with no preparations, the price has already been paid

Come with no restrictions for they are only self-imposed

Come desiring nothing, knowing you will receive all that is of true worth.

I am the One Who has loved you since before time began

As you were formed within your mother’s womb

I knew you and called you My chosen one

You are My child and I love you.

Immanuel

Son of God, Immanuel

Tonight You came with us to dwell

You came to show us how to live

You came to us eternal life to give

Child of the King, You came from above

To teach us the true meaning of love

Took on our flesh, took on our sin

Our earthly burden, You took within

By Your hands, our wounds were healed

With Your blood our hearts are sealed

Teach us this day

To walk in Your way

Almighty Father, watch over us

Protect us from our darkness

Holy Spirit, Who dwells within

Keep us this day from all sin

Jesus, Redeemer, Lover, and Friend

To us Your embrace now extend

As we gather with our family

As we gather with our friends

Your love guides our hearts, as we amble blindly

While we hold hands, Your grace descends

And for those of us, who spend this season alone

As our spirits within us groan

Remind us, I pray, that You are always there.

Remind us, O Lord, that You always care.

The road we walk is treacherous

But You O Lord are ever with us

Give us this day our daily bread

Watch over us as we go to bed.

As I close this letter, I ask each of you to pray for each other and me as I pray for you. Pray that we will remember God’s loving presence in and with us always. Pray that we will remember to lean on Him at all times, not just when we find ourselves worn out and exalted. Pray that we will reach out with God’s love and power to all those around us who need to know of His presence with them so much, especially during this holiday season.

Sharing My Life (12/7/08): Never Alone

2008-12-07T20:06:00.001-06:00

Another really encouraging thing God has been teaching me lately is that we are never really alone. Jesus’ last words to His disciples were, “And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age” (Matthew 28:20b). God was, is and will always be with us. His love, peace and grace are always available to us. The problem is that we are often too preoccupied with our own attachments to notice His presence with us.

Yet there is more to this. One of the most powerful ways I have experienced God’s presence with me is through His people. When we receive God’s Holy Spirit within us, we are receiving His Presence within us. When we reach out in love, God is reaching out in love in and with us. When God calls us to serve Him, He gives us the power to do whatever He calls us to. I don’t know about you, but I have often found myself way over my head in my life with God. Does this mean I have left His will? No, I have found there are many times where God calls us specifically into situations He knows are beyond us because He wants us to learn to depend on Him. God never meant us to try and live this life on our own. We were always meant to find and live life within our relationship with Him.

This also means that God is with us even in the midst of our struggling and suffering. Whether the situation we find ourselves in is of our own making or the result of outside forces does not change the fact that God is still with us. Though, admittedly there are times when we may not want to acknowledge His presence. As ministers of God’s love, peace and grace, this also means that we are called to minister to all people, no matter who they are or what they’ve done. Regardless of how I may feel about a certain person or situation, God is still calling me to reach out in love. In that way, God can be present to that person and within that situation in and through us. I believe it is God’s hope and dream that not only will all His children realize His love for them, but that they will see and feel it through the loving presence of His people among them. God is calling and empowering us to be His ministers of love throughout the world. The question is will we hear Him.

Life Update (12/7/08): Waiting

2008-12-07T20:04:00.002-06:00

Throughout this past month I have been prayerfully seeking God’s will for my life and as I have listened, the message I continually get back is “Stay where you are and wait.” What I believe that means is that God desires me to stay in Minnesota, working with Accessible Space, Inc. and that He still has work to do in and through me here. As one might imagine, I find this word both encouraging and disappointing. While it is encouraging to know that God is working in and through my life in my current context of being an Independent Living Skills (ILS) Worker, at times I find myself yearning for more.

Yet, even in this time of waiting and preparation, I know I am still exactly where God needs me to be at this point in time. This enables me to enjoy His work in and through me in the present, and learn to live at His pace. One of the lessons God is continuing to teach me is that life in Him is not found in looking back and lamenting about what could have been or in looking forward and dreaming about what could be in the future. God is right here with me, right now and He longs for me to be with him right here in this present moment.

Meaningful Words (11/3/08)

2008-11-03T19:55:00.001-06:00

In seeking to God’s vision and joy for my life, I have found the following poems helpful:

Lies & Truth

I'm feeling kinda vulnerable tonight

My mixed up emotions are bubbling through

What I know as truth seems so boring

And deception seems so exciting

Though I know the difference between them

Chorus:

Lord, will You be my strength?

When I don’t want to be strong?

Will You carry me along

When it all seems so far gone

Lord, will you help me fight

When it feels like the battle’s already been lost

To lie is sin and sin is death

In truth is life or so I’ve been told

Yet the lie looks so attractive

And the truth just seems so covered with dust

For a lie can look like the truth

Just as a wolf can don sheep’s clothing

But in truth it’s still a lie

Despite it’s appearance otherwise.

Yes, this must be a wolf in sheep’s clothing

And my resistance is low

Chorus

I know my emotions can fool me

But, man, what I feel seems so real

You say tomorrow will be different

Yet today still has so much left to live

The devil he is so clever

And I am so naïve

Chorus

And it all comes down to choice

Will I choose to live or die

Will I choose to believe the lie

Or embrace the truth that is Christ

To stand strong in His might

And know He is on my side

This, at least, I know is true

God is real and He cares for me.

Pharisee

Sometimes I feel like a modern-day Pharisee

My outside is all nice and shiny

But inside I’m greasy, grimy

They tell me I’m great, they tell me I’m wonderful

If only they knew the truth, they’d tell me that I’m really full

But I keep it all inside

There in the darkness is where I hide

There where no one else dares abide

Yet into my life You come, O Lord

You, to whom, all my life is as an open door

Away you brush the thin layers of my outer mask

For even the thickest of walls, for You, would not be much of a task.

Deeper and deeper you delve within

Past all the muck, past all the sin

You wash it all clean with Your water of life

Freeing me from all my hate and strife

Born Cracked

Born into the world a cracked vessel needing to be filled

The world she offers many things to fill it

Yet I always come back wanting more

Each thing feels right at first

But in time they all turn up lacking

Back in the garden we knew what it was to be filled

Back in the garden we knew what it was to be loved

Back in the garden we knew what it was to be accepted

Dear God why did we ever turn away from You the True Source

Cursed to walk this world abandoned, though we are never alone

You pursue us day and night yet still we run

Unable to turn, unable to be filled

Until by grace You extend the hand

And turn us around in Your Embrace

The cross makes this possible

The blood of Jesus fills our cracked vessel

His Blood seals the crack

In Him we are filled

In Him we are loved

In Him we are accepted

Though I know of His Love for me

Though I have soaked in the blood

Still my vessel leaks

Many are the times I know not filling

Many are the times I know not love

Many are the times I know not acceptance

Why is this the case?

Dear God, extend Your Hand

Dear God, send down Your Grace

Turn me around full in Your Embrace

It also occurs to me that tomorrow is Election Day and this has been quite a tumultuous and divisive campaigning time. As my prayer for unity among the saints, let me share one more poem with you. This one is based on an old hymn:

We Are One

-Galatians 3:27-28

We are one in the Spirit; we are one in the Lord

And we pray that our unity would one day be restored

And they’ll know we are Christians by our love, by our love

And they’ll know we are Christians by our love.

We, Your children, have suffered injustice

We, Your children look to you for justice

Yet when we look deeper we find ourselves perplexed

For we see within ourselves the perpetrator of this affront

You created each of us unique

And we have tried to be all the same

You made us black, white, red, yellow

And we have tried to be gray

We have denied the very nature of our being as the image of God

And embraced our sinful dust essence.

You created all of us equal

And we have made inequality the rule.

Forgive us, O Lord

We have sinned against You and against each other.

Enable us to forgive each other.

Unify us by the power of the blood of Your Son

May we be servants of Thy peace,

Sowing unity where there is division,

Sowing reconciliation where there is racism

Sowing love where there is hatred

We repent, Abba.

Have mercy on us.

Transform our hearts.

Make us the people You desire us to be

And may we be one in You.

We are one in the Spirit; we are one in the Lord

And we pray that our unity would one day be restored

And they’ll know we are Christians by our love, by our love

And they’ll know we are Christians by our love.

All praise to the Father from Whom all things come,

And all praise to the Spirit Who makes us one,

And all praise to Christ Jesus His only Son,

And they’ll know we are Christians by our love, by our love

And they’ll know we are Christians by our love

Sharing My Life (11/3/08): Seeking Joy

2008-11-03T19:50:00.001-06:00

Yesterday I was reading in Ecclesiastes 9 and came to verse 7 which reads, “Go, eat your food with gladness, and drink your wine with a joyful heart, for it is now that God favors what you do.” This reminded me of how often I approach my life with God thinking of what I should and shouldn’t do instead of hearing what He is inviting me into. Jesus called his disciples into the abundant life (John 10:10) and that is the same life He is inviting us into today. God does not ask my obedience because He needs it or will punish me if I misbehave. He asks it because in following His way I am living life the way I was meant to. True joy is found not in having the most money, power or love, but in living fully the life God is calling me to. This is the joy I am seeking and trying to envision what it means to pursue. Your prayers continued to be appreciated.

Life Update (11/3/08): Seeking Vision

2008-11-03T19:48:00.001-06:00

Wow, has it really already been three months since last I wrote you all? So much has happened in that time. The most major event was my folks month long visit with me. They came to see me and to also support me in my continued journey of recovery. Through working with each other and my counselor, we came to a much deeper understanding of each other and how we could help each other continue to develop.

In addition, my job has become a lot more demanding as of late. I have about ten clients these days with increasingly complex issues to work with. Try as I do to work with them to accomplish all that needs to get done, the stress is beginning to get to me. It doesn’t help that in most cases, my clients choose to talk to my supervisors about their problems, instead of me. Fortunately, my supervisors understand that I am doing my best and am continuing to learn how to work with each of my clients according to their needs and abilities. At times I wonder if this job really is a good fit for me.

Part of my recovery journey these days has been to try and envision what it means to live a healthy life in Christ and prayerfully talk with others and God about how I can enter into that kind of life. One part of that which I really struggle with is finding a job and career I can really feel fulfilled and utilized in. I would like to be in a position which uses most of my gifts and abilities and one in which I can really make an impact in people’s lives. Though I do feel this at times in my current position, there are also times when I prayerfully ask God, “ Is this what You would have me do, really?”

Meaningful Words (9/4/08)

2008-09-06T22:04:00.003-05:00

My recent experience with God was all about His love and acceptance of me, so this afternoon, I find myself drawn to poems that speak that same message:

Be Still
“Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth.”
-Psalm 46:10

Be still, My child and know that you are loved.
Endless, limitless, eternal love is yours.
My Son paid the price and you are free to come.

Come and know Me
Come and know that you are loved.
Come with no expectations, for they will all be blown away.
Come with no preparations, the price has already been paid
Come with no restrictions for they are only self-imposed
Come desiring nothing, knowing you will receive all that is of true worth.

I am the One Who has loved you since before time began
As you were formed within your mother’s womb
I knew you and called you My chosen one
You are My child and I love you.

Forgiven
The Father:
I have already forgiven your sin.
Why do you bring it before Me again?

I have already washed you clean.
Why do you insist on playing in the dirt?

Accept My forgiveness.
Receive My cleansing.

Why do you cling to that which I have already released you from?
Why do you remain in the dungeon?
The chains have already been broken and the key thrown away.

The gates of iron have been flung wide open
And yet still you cower in this cage of your own making

The light has been shown forth
Yet you prefer the darkness

What more can I do for you, My child?

How else can I bid you come?
The table has already been set and the dinner bell is ringing
Is it possible you have not heard Me calling?

Answer Me and I will give you the desires of your heart.
I am your Father and have always been faithful.
Is this not the truth?
Listen to your heart, My child.
You know Who I am.
You have always known.

His Child:
Come unto me, O Desire of my heart!
Beckon me unto Your Feast, O Satisfier of my deepest hunger!
Dance with Me, O Romancer of my soul!
Set me beside the still waters, O Author of my peace!
Run with me, O my Ever True Companion
Guide my steps, O Victorious Winner of the race set before me!

You Who began this good work in me,
You are my Faithful Father
And You will finish what You have started!
Yes, You will finish what you have started!

Into the Woods
I saw you when you ran into the woods,
For I was there with you,
I was the One you were running away from,
Yet I was the One you were running to,
Which was I to you?
Which were you to Me?

How I long for you to cling to Me as you used to,
To feel your heart beat with mine,
To share your thoughts and know your mind,
Yet you have drifted far away and are ever still running,
Farther and farther you roam,
It seems almost as if you are at home,
There in the wilderness,
Off in the distance.

Come home to Me, My love,
The journey is really not that long,
If you would but turn around,
Lift up your eyes and see,
There you would find me,
My gentle hands will wipe away your every tear,
The blood from My wounds will cleanse your every sin.

Cleansing and reaching ever deeper within,
Bring your broken hearts and shattered dreams
Lay them at My nail-pierced feet
For when you cried, I cried with you,
When you ran, I was there at your side,
When you hid there in the dark,
I was there as well.

I am with you always,
Not as a presence to be feared
But as One who knows you through and through,
One who has seen you at your worst and at your best
I know you, I love you, and I am for you.

As I sit back in my chair, I can still feel the embrace of God's loving arms around me, inviting me to rest in Him. In closing this month, I can feel God inviting each of you also to rest in His love. This is a hectic, busy world we live in today and we need all the love and rest we can get.

Sharing My Life (9/4/08) : Resting in God's Love and Acceptance

2008-09-06T22:02:00.001-05:00

The past few weeks have really been busy ones in both my personal; and professional life. There was the move, all the packing and unpacking that went into that, working on housing with some of my clients, working through scheduling changes and conflicts with them, gaining new clients, the list goes on. In the midst of all that, I had a growing sense of how busy my life was becoming; not just with all the clients I have, but with all the other things I'm involved with as well: recovery work, character work with my Focus of the Warrior Group, church involvement with multiple congregations, that list could probably go on as well. I could feel all these things seeking to speak into my life, yet not all were speaking life into me. This was brought into clearer light by John's Eldrige's latest book, Walking with God. I just started listening to it on CD a few days ago and have really felt God using it powerfully in my heart life.

Yesterday I felt God really speaking to me about how I let others have a say in my life and at the same time how I resent them when they try to control it, or rather when I sense that they are trying to control it.That night as I was heading home after a long day at work and in life, I felt God inviting me to take time tonight and let Him minister to me in His Word. I had been so busy the past couple days, I had totally skipped over my usually morning devotional time. Anyway, I got home, sat down and read Psalms 103 & 139. As I had been praying during the ride back, those were the passages that kept coming to mind.

Reading through them I was drawn to Psalm 103: 8 " The LORD is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love." and Palm 139: 1-5,

"O Lord, you have examined my heart
and know everything about me.
You know when I sit down or stand up.
You know my thoughts even when I’m far away.
You see me when I travel
and when I rest at home.
You know everything I do.
You know what I am going to say
even before I say it, Lord.
You go before me and follow me.
You place your hand of blessing on my head."

Through those two passages, I felt God showing me how deeply known and loved I am, and inviting me to trust in that love and knowledge. I thanked the Lord for that revelation and asked Him to continually remind me of that truth. I also ask each you to do so as well, as you feel led. Remind me again and again how deeply and intimately I and known and loved. For it is something I know I will forget amidst the hustle and bustle of my life and something our enemy, Satan, does not want me to remember. Thank you for letting me share that with you.

Life Update (9/4/08) : Busy Bee

2008-09-06T21:52:00.002-05:00

Wow, I can't believe two months has already gone by since I last wrote you all. So much has been happening. My client load continues to increase in number and complexity, I lose a client or two, but others quickly move in to take their place. Sometimes I feel greatly reminded of that old saying, "I know God will only give me as much as I can handle (John 16:12, 1 Corinthians 10:14), but I do wish He didn't trust me as much as He does." I also know that many times when we feel our own load growing heavy, it is an invitation from God to share that load with others. As often as I can, I do work with others to help my clients. Sometimes I even find myself feeling envious of my clients in how much help they have available, and this, at times, opens my eyes to see the help that is there for myself.

In addition to working with my clients, I have also had to move once more. I was having some trouble with a few of my housemates and found that the best way to resolve the situation was to move out. Fortunately, a friend of mine was willing to let me move into the lower half of his town home up in Maple Grove, MN. My phone number and email moved with me, so they are still the same. My new address is 13685 74th Avenue North, Maple Grove, MN 55311. My Landlord there has a male Wippet dog named Pipper, who has graciously invited me into his house.

Also, for those of you who don't know, this month I turn 33. My birthday is Friday, September 12th and I will be hosting a party at my new digs from 7-10 pm that night. All who can are cordially invited to come. Presents and cards are always welcome, but never required. Your presence whether in thought or in body is always more important to me than any present you might give.

Meaningful Words (6/2/08)

2008-06-02T17:12:00.001-05:00

As work to live honestly and peaceably with those around me, I find myself thinking of a few poems:

Into the Woods
I saw you when you ran into the woods,
For I was there with you,
I was the One you were running away from,
Yet I was the One you were running to,
Which was I to you?
Which were you to Me?

How I long for you to cling to Me as you used to,
To feel your heart beat with mine,
To share your thoughts and know your mind,
Yet you have drifted far away and are ever still running,
Farther and farther you roam,
It seems almost as if you are at home,
There in the wilderness,
Off in the distance.

Come home to Me, My love,
The journey is really not that long,
If you would but turn around,
Lift up your eyes and see,
There you would find me,
My gentle hands will wipe away your every tear,
The blood from My wounds will cleanse your every sin.

Cleansing and reaching ever deeper within,
Bring your broken hearts and shattered dreams
Lay them at My nail-pierced feet
For when you cried, I cried with you,
When you ran, I was there at your side,
When you hid there in the dark,
I was there as well.

I am with you always,
Not as a presence to be feared
But as One who knows you through and through,
One who has seen you at your worst and at your best
I know you, I love you, and I am for you.

You Desire?
The jailer called for lights, rushed in and fell trembling before Paul and Silas. He then brought them out and asked, “Sirs, what must I do to be saved?”
They replied, “Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved —you and your household.”
-Acts 16:29-31

Just believe and you will be saved.
Yet even the demons believe in Christ and they certainly will not be saved
So what is it that You require?
What is it that you desire?
A heart undivided full of fire?
Will that be enough to inspire?

No, my spirit says, You want more
More than a life filled with good works
More than all the money I can earn
More than my first born son
So much more than I can ever give
And yet the answer is simple

You do not want my heart
You do not want my works
You do not want my family
All you really want is me
All of me

Impostor
You go to church every Sunday
Don the suit, don the mask, don the act
You sing the songs and listen to the sermon
But deep down you know it’s all a lie

Life continues on, you play the game every day
Load the bullet in the gun, and pray the chamber’s empty
Every time it gets easier,
Every time you loose a bit of yourself
Hiding the truth from all those you love
But there’s One who always knows

You think you’re doing them a favor
But you’re hurting them beyond repair
Acting like a Christian when you don’t even care

You’ve got the M. Div.
You’ve got the preacher’s touch
You even have your own church
Everyone thinks you’re the best
But you’ll never pass the final test.

Why do you continue on this blessing filled path to hell?
Still you play the sheep, when you know you’re a wolf
Do you think you can hide forever?

I pray that one day you’ll see the truth
That all those things you fake can be yours in real life
‘Cause there’s a God out there who knows you for all you are
And He longs for you to come home to Him at last

Thank you again, one and all, for taking the time to read through these meandering thoughts I call my musings. It is my prayer that God has spoken to you through them, drawn you closer to Him and through them has formed you more and more into the likeness of God’s Son, Jesus Christ. That is my continuing prayer for you and I hope you will pray the same for me as well. Thank you again. I hope you are all well.

Sharing My Life (6/2/08): Taking Responsibility Honestly

2008-06-02T17:11:00.000-05:00

One of the main things I am learning on this road of recovery is that it is really important to take responsibility for my actions, both good and bad, and to be as honest as I can about it. I think this is part of what Paul means when He exhorts the believers in Rome to “live at peace with everyone. (Romans 12:18)” For instance, a few months ago, I was removing a clean coffee cup from the dishwasher and it slipped from my hands and broke on the floor. I now had a couple options: 1) to clean up the mess and hope nobody noticed or 2) to clean up the mess, replace the cup and leave a note indicating such to the rest of the guys in the house. I chose the later and got the new cup later on that day. When I returned, my landlord commented saying that I really didn’t need to have bought a new cup. I thanked him for his comments and indicated I had already bought one. Looking back on the situation, though, I can see it really wasn’t about needing to buy a new cup or not. It was about taking responsibility for my actions and owning up to my mistakes.

This also applies to my work situation. I have often found my supervisors handle my mistakes a lot better when I come to them first and explain what happened honestly, then when they find out after the fact and I have to own up to it then. Of course some supervisors are more willing to work with my imperfections than others, but over all, I have found being honest and taking responsibility works out better than trying to appear perfect or better than I really am.

Life Update (6/2/08): Growing Responsibilities

2008-06-02T17:09:00.001-05:00

My client load as an Independent Living Skills (ILS) Worker continues to increase. I now have eight clients and am looking at possibly adding on two more. However, with the rise of my ILS hours comes the decrease of my Personal Care Attendant (PCA) hours and I’m not sure whether or not a full-time ILS position is in the works for me. I will continue to talk with my supervisors and hopefully will be able to work towards it becoming reality in the near future.

Meaningful Words (5/4/08)

2008-05-04T14:17:00.001-05:00

As I have found myself struggling to balance my life in this world and God’s, I have been reminded of a few of my poems:

Lies & Truth
I'm feeling kinda venerable tonight
My mixed up emotions are bubbling through
What I know as truth seems so boring
And deception seems so exciting
Though I know the difference between them

Chorus:
Lord, will You be my strength?
When I don’t want to be strong?
Will You carry me along
When it all seems so far gone
Lord, will you help me fight
When it feels like the battle’s already been lost

To lie is sin and sin is death
In truth is life or so I’ve been told
Yet the lie looks so attractive
And the truth just seems so covered with dust
For a lie can look like the truth
Just as a wolf can don sheep’s clothing
But in truth it’s still a lie
Despite it’s appearance otherwise.
Yes, this must be a wolf in sheep’s clothing
And my resistance is low

Chorus

I know my emotions can fool me
But, man, what I feel seems so real
You say tomorrow will be different
Yet today still has so much left to live
The devil he is so clever
And I am so naïve

Chorus

And it all comes down to choice
Will I choose to live or die
Will I choose to believe the lie
Or embrace the truth that is Christ
To stand strong in His might
And know He is on my side
This, at least, I know is true
God is real and He cares for me.

The Inner War
I woke up this morning and there you were in my face
The mirror your eyes, my soul your home
My worst enemy, my best friend
Everything I used to be, everything I might be again

Come back into the dark you whisper
But I’m yearning and fighting for the light
It’s so much easier and more comfortable there

Yet I know here is where I must remain

Hide yourself, it’s so much safer
No, I must be true to the world
I cannot don the mask of security
Cannot fake the act of sincerity
When everything I do and say is just a lie

Truth is more powerful than lie
And more powerful still when backed up by life
I know the life I should live
And I pray one day
It will be the life I do live

There is a White
There is a white for this black of ours.
It will show itself in its hour,
But we who hold it in our hearts,
No ray of dark can penetrate our parts.

But what of this light?
What use is it, if it cannot shine bright!
Too often we turn away its source.
We take out our swords,
Made by the hand of Satan,
And slash it into oblivion.

But this light cannot die.
It cannot be swept away.
There are those who have claimed it
And the light lives on in them.

The light has a place in all of our hearts.
Every single one must play its part.
Through them this world will change.
Through them it will exchange
Its darkness for the EVERLASTING LIGHT!

A-men

Well, that is it for this month. Thank you, one and all, for taking the time to read through these wondering thoughts I call my musings. It is my prayer that God has spoken to you through them, drawn you closer to Him and through them has formed you more and more into the likeness of God’s Son, Jesus Christ. That is my continuing prayer for you and I hope you will pray the same for me as well. Thank you again. I hope you are all well.

Sharing My Life (5/4/08): Kingdom of God versus Kingdom of Humanity

2008-05-04T14:15:00.001-05:00

As my work life increases, I find myself having to re-learn how to find balance in my life. Reflecting on that has lead to a lot of thinking along the lines of how the values of this world differ from that of our home world, heaven. For a long time I was concerned with finding the perfect wife, career, raising a family and settling down. I thought that was God’s will for my life. Yet increasingly these days I am beginning to realize that God is more interested in forming my character than in helping me find the perfect career. It is true that God wants me to find a good wife and have a satisfying job, but not for the same reasons as I and the world might think. I am finding that God is not so much concerned about my finding the job of my dreams as God is that whatever I am doing I am being formed into the likeness of God’s Son, Jesus Christ. The same is true with every other area of my life. It is not about finding the perfect wife, it is about finding one with whom I can grow closer to God and help her to grow closer as well. If that means settling for being an ILS worker for the rest of my life, so be it. The world might look at that and call me foolish, but they have been wrong before (1Corinthians 1:20).

Life Update (5/4/08): Responsibilities on the rise

2008-05-04T14:12:00.001-05:00

These days I find my client load as an Independent Living Skills (ILS) Worker with Accessible Space, Inc. increasing. By the end of this week I will have seven clients, averaging at about three hours each per week. I have had to drop one of my Personal Care Attendant shifts, but all in all it’s turning more and more into full-time employment, though I don’t yet have full-time benefits. Hopefully that will come with time. In the interim, I do enjoy the clients I’m working with in both positions and am having a good time working with them. Just in case you are curious, as an ILS Worker, I help my clients with things like finding a job, filling out applications, balancing their checkbooks and anything else and other such things that help them live independently. I do find myself liking it better than my work as a PCA and it does pay more as well, though the hours aren’t always concrete and reliable.

Meaningful Words (3/29/08)

2008-03-31T16:56:00.001-05:00

I also find myself reminded of a couple of my poems:

Forgiven
The Father:
I have already forgiven your sin.
Why do you bring it before Me again?
I have already washed you clean.
Why do you insist on playing in the dirt?
Accept My forgiveness.
Receive My cleansing.
Why do you cling to that which I have already released you from?
Why do you remain in the dungeon?
The chains have already been broken and the key thrown away.
The gates of iron have been flung wide open
And yet still you cower in this cage of your own making
The light has been shown forth
Yet you prefer the darkness
What more can I do for you, My child?
How else can I bid you come?
The table has already been set and the dinner bell is ringing
Is it possible you have not heard Me calling?
Answer Me and I will give you the desires of your heart.
I am your Father and have always been faithful.
Is this not the truth?
Listen to your heart, My child.
You know Who I am.
You have always known.

His Child:
Come unto me, O Desire of my heart!
Beckon me unto Your Feast, O Satisfier of my deepest hunger!
Dance with Me, O Romancer of my soul!
Set me beside the still waters, O Author of my peace!
Run with me, O my Ever True Companion
Guide my steps, O Victorious Winner of the race set before me!
You Who began this good work in me,
You are my Faithful Father
And You will finish what You have started!
Yes, You will finish what you have started!

Let Go
The Father:
I invite you, My child, to let go.
Let go of your need to worry,
for it really does you no good.
Let go of your need to control,
for you really have none.
Let go of your need for a plan,
for I am all you really ever need!
I invite you, My child, to let Me in.
Let Me into your concerns,
for I can bear your load.
Let Me into your life,
for I do know what I am doing.
Let Me into your heart,
for I am the One you were created for.
I invite you, My child,
to know the truth.
Know that I care for you and I will see to your needs.
Know that I am taking care of them even now.
Know that I am Your Faithful Father.

His Child:
Lord, help me to trust when I don’t want to trust
Lord, help me to love when I don’t want to love
Lord, help to give, when I don’t want to give
To give my life to You.
For You, O Lord, are the Lover of my soul
And You, O Lord, are faithful
Yes, You O Lord, will watch over me
And care for me better than I ever could.

Thank you each and all so much for all your continued prayers, patience, support and encouragement as I continue work through this transitional period in my life. My prayer for each of you is the same one I mentioned earlier: "I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus" (Philippians 1:3-6).

Sharing My Life (3/29/08): Take things as they come

2008-03-31T16:55:00.000-05:00

Some of you know I have begun to take a recovery approach to working through my personal issues, as well as to my life as a whole. One of the things God is continually teaching me as I take this approach is to take things as they come. Living life moment by moment and day by day is helping me to worry less and trust more. In the past, I have expended much energy on trying to figure out where God is leading me and to get there as soon as possible. Yet, now I am finding, things come and go much smoother if let go of my need to control and take hold of God’s guidance for this moment and day. I often find my increasing one on one work as an ILS worker to be quite challenging, yet at the same time I feel a peace about the challenge, knowing that it is God Who brought this challenge into my life, that He has given me all the experience and knowledge I need to complete the tasks before me and that He will be with me all the way through them.

It all kind of reminds me of Jesus when He encourages His followers "do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own" (Matthew 6:34) and the wise words of Paul the apostle, when he affirmed the members of the church in Philippi "that He Who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." I can feel God’s words in these passages coming true in my life as I work to follow Him more closely each day. Funny, that reminds me of a song from one of my favorite musicals Godspell: Day by day, day by day, O dear Lord, three things I pray, to see Thee more clearly, love Thee more dearly, follow Thee more dearly day by day . . ."

Lfe Update (3/29/08) Still taking things slow

2008-03-31T16:52:00.001-05:00

I apologize for the long delay in writing you all. Though I continue to work at keeping things simple and easy, life, I have found, works equally hard to keep it all complicated. Currently, I am still living at 619 19th Ave NE, Minneapolis, MN 55418 and working for Accessible Space Incorporated as both a Resident Assistant (RA) and an Independent Living Skills (ILS) worker. Although recently, my ILS work is increasing and my RA work is decreasing. That means my work is becoming much more challenging, as ILS work requires working individually with each client and their case works to access what tasks and goals they would like me to help them out with, working with them through those tasks and goals and continually re-assessing their needs and desires all along the way. Lately, I’ve really been thinking about going into counseling, so I do see this one-on-one work as good preparation.

I also just recently came back from going on a Spring Break trip down to New Orleans, LA with Christian Student Fellowship to help them out with some Katrina relief work there. It was a great time of bonding and serving. I continue to be amazed and encouraged by the enthusiasm, character and desire to grow and serve of these young people. Being with them often makes me want to re-visit my own college days and wishfully wonder what would have happened if I had done certain things differently, yet I know, for better and worse, I am who I am today due to the choices I made back then and throughout my life. I also took plenty of pictures which I will be sharing on Facebook once I work through some technical difficulties I’m having with my network filter.

Meaningful Words (12/13/07)

2007-12-13T14:08:00.000-06:00

As I reflect back on this month a couple poems and a favorite Christmas carol come to mind:

Winter
Snow has fallen and ice has formed.
Making everything more beautiful than before.
Yet in this beauty there is a coldness.
As with many beauties there is a bitterness.
For many a beauty will cross His path.
But few shall He choose.

In such a time as this
His Chosen One was born.
And in such a time as this
His Chosen One was torn.

Torn for my cold.
And torn for yours.
He was torn to make us whole.

Immanuel
Son of God, Immanuel
Tonight You came with us to dwell

You came to show us how to live
You came to us eternal life to give

Child of the King, You came from above
To teach us the true meaning of love

Took on our flesh, took on our sin
Our earthly burden, You took within

By Your hands, our wounds were healed
With Your blood our hearts are sealed

Teach us this day
To walk in Your way

Almighty Father, watch over us
Protect us from our darkness

Holy Spirit, Who dwells within
Keep us this day from all sin

Jesus, Redeemer, Lover, and Friend
To us Your embrace now extend

As we gather with our family
As we gather with our friends

Your love guides our hearts, as we amble blindly
While we hold hands, Your grace descends

And for those of us, who spend this season alone
As our spirits within us groan

Remind us, I pray, that You are always there.
Remind us, O Lord, that You always care.

The road we walk is treacherous
But You O Lord are ever with us

Give us this day our daily bread
Watch over us as we go to bed.

A-men.

Little Drummer Boy
Come they told me, pa rum pum pum pum
A new born King to see, pa rum pum pum pum
Our finest gifts we bring, pa rum pum pum pum
To lay before the King, pa rum pum pum pum,
rum pum pum pum, rum pum pum pum,

So to honor Him, pa rum pum pum pum,
When we come.

Little Baby, pa rum pum pum pum
I am a poor boy too, pa rum pum pum pum
I have no gift to bring, pa rum pum pum pum
That's fit to give the King, pa rum pum pum pum,
rum pum pum pum, rum pum pum pum,

Shall I play for you, pa rum pum pum pum,
On my drum?

Mary nodded, pa rum pum pum pum
The ox and lamb kept time, pa rum pum pum pum
I played my drum for Him, pa rum pum pum pum
I played my best for Him, pa rum pum pum pum,
rum pum pum pum, rum pum pum pum,

Then He smiled at me, pa rum pum pum pum
Me and my drum.

- Katherine K. Davis, Henry Onorati and Harry Simeone

Thank you each and all so much for all your continued prayers, support and encouragement as I work through this transitional period in my life. My prayer for each of you is the same prayer I ask you to pray for me as I continue to work through this time of discernment: “For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom his whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge — that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen” (Ephesians 3:14-21)

Sharing My Life: Simplicity (12/13/07)

2007-12-13T14:04:00.000-06:00

As I work on reconstructing my life these days, one of my disciplines has become simplicity. I want to keep the amount of things going on in my life to a minimum, so I can have more time to spend being with God and the ones I care about. That way the things I do can flow out of my relationships, instead of the two vying for my time as they often have.

It’s also interesting that this desire to be simple should happen around this holiday season, when everything normally has a habit of getting busy, busy. 2000 years ago, Jesus came into this world very simply. He did not come in the power and glory of a conquering king like many of His people might have expected Him to. Instead, He came as a small, fragile, helpless baby and was laid in a manger, normally the feeding trough for animals. In this way, He came into the world as a humble savior sent to share His love with the world through His life (John 13:1-5), to save it through His death (John 3:16-18) and to transform it through His resurrection (John 11:25).

Life Update (12/13/07): Step by Step

2007-12-13T14:01:00.000-06:00

I have now moved into and settled in a bit into my new place. My new address there is 619 19th Avenue NE, Minneapolis MN 55418. They don’t have a land-line in the house, so you can call me on my mobile phone which continues to be 651-303-9675. Unfortunately I did not get the job I interviewed for with Touchstone, but I was able to get my old job with Accessible Space, Inc. (ASI) back. I am currently working with them as a Resident Assistant (RA) helping a few of the same clients I did when I was working with them previously. They are also setting me up with a couple clients that I can work with as an Independent Living Skills assistant (ILS). That means I help those clients work through things like getting groceries, setting up budgets, balancing their checkbooks and things like that. It’s not my “dream job” but it will help me pay the bills as I work through this discernment period with God.

Fresh Poetry (12/01/2007)

2007-12-01T23:05:00.000-06:00

Who Am I

Who am I , Lord,

that You call me child

Who am I, Lord,

that You call me servant

Who am I, Lord,

That You have redeemed me and called me Your Own

Who are You, Lord

that I should call You Father

Who are You, Lord

that I should call You Master

Who are You Lord that You have redeemed me and called me Your Own.

I am Yours

You are Mine

That is all I need to know.

3:16

For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son that whosoever believeth in Him, shall not die, but have EVERLASTING LIFE!!!

Oh God, my God

You gave Your one and only Son that I could live

Yet what have I to give

You know my heart

You know my life

You know me

better than the world

better even than I know myself

You see my good days

and my bad ones

You see all that I have accomplished

and

all I have destroyed

All that I could have been

All that I am

All that I ever could be

and will be one day, if only . . .

You see it all

and

You call it worthy

Yet not only me

Not just for my sake alone

You died for

each

and

all

for everybody and everyone

Not one was left in the dark

Not one was left without hope

For in Your death we all find life

In Your life we each find hope overflowing.

Meaningful Words (11/15/07)

2007-11-08T11:52:00.000-06:00

As I reflect back on this past month and the transitional state of my current life, I find myself thinking of a couple of my old favorite poems:

Forgiven
The Father:
I have already forgiven your sin.
Why do you bring it before Me again?

I have already washed you clean.
Why do you insist on playing in the dirt?

Accept My forgiveness.
Receive My cleansing.

Why do you cling to that which I have already released you from?
Why do you remain in the dungeon?
The chains have already been broken and the key thrown away.

The gates of iron have been flung wide open
And yet still you cower in this cage of your own making

The light has been shown forth
Yet you prefer the darkness

What more can I do for you, My child?

How else can I bid you come?
The table has already been set and the dinner bell is ringing
Is it possible you have not heard Me calling?

Answer Me and I will give you the desires of your heart.
I am your Father and have always been faithful.
Is this not the truth?
Listen to your heart, My child.
You know Who I am.
You have always known.

His Child:
Come unto me, O Desire of my heart!
Beckon me unto Your Feast, O Satisfier of my deepest hunger!
Dance with Me, O Romancer of my soul!
Set me beside the still waters, O Author of my peace!
Run with me, O my Ever True Companion
Guide my steps, O Victorious Winner of the race set before me!

You Who began this good work in me,
You are my Faithful Father
And You will finish what You have started!
Yes, You will finish what you have started!

Let Go
The Father:
I invite you, My child, to let go.
Let go of your need to worry,
for it really does you no good.
Let go of your need to control,
for you really have none.
Let go of your need for a plan,
for I am all you really ever need!

I invite you, My child, to let Me in.
Let Me into your concerns,
for I can bear your load.
Let Me into your life,
for I do know what I am doing.
Let Me into your heart,
for I am the One you were created for.

I invite you, My child,
to know the truth.
Know that I care for you and I will see to your needs.
Know that I am taking care of them even now.
Know that I am Your Faithful Father.

His Child:
Lord, help me to trust when I don’t want to trust
Lord, help me to love when I don’t want to love
Lord, help to give, when I don’t want to give
To give my life to You.

For You, O Lord, are the Lover of my soul
And You, O Lord, are faithful
Yes, You O Lord, will watch over me
And care for me better than I ever could.

Thank you again to each of you for all your continued encouragement, thoughts and prayers. I appreciate them all greatly. Truly God blesses me with your friendship and I pray as Paul did in his letter to the Philippians: “I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

It is right for me to feel this way about all of you, since I have you in my heart; for whether I am in chains or defending and confirming the gospel, all of you share in God's grace with me. God can testify how I long for all of you with the affection of Christ Jesus.

And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ—to the glory and praise of God” (Philippians 1:3-11).

Sharing My Life (11/15/07): Discerning God's Will

2007-11-08T11:50:00.000-06:00

As one might imagine, lately I have been reflecting and praying a lot about what it means to discern God’s will for my life. Many years ago when I began this walk of faith, I thought God’s plan for my life would be a simple one: go to college, go to seminary, find a church and serve God as their pastor and to also find a wife and raise a family. As I grew and walked along life’s path with God, I found it had a lot more twists and turns than I had anticipated.

I remember one time towards the end of my time at Bethel Seminary being so exasperated with Him that I just blurted out, “God, would you please just tell me what this wonderful plan you have for my life is?”

In reply, I think I heard God say, “Uh, Michel, what exactly would you do if I did show you My plan for your life?”

“Why, I would follow it, of course!” I said back.

“Exactly,” came back His reply, “You would follow the plan and stop following Me.”

As I remember this, I am also reminded of Abraham, Jacob, David, Paul and many other biblical characters. None of their lives followed neat and orderly plans either. As King Solomon wrote in Proverbs, “In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps” (Proverbs 16:9). Then again, which way requires more faith, to follow a laid out orderly plan or to take each day as it comes, trusting that God will lead and guide you according to His wisdom and grace? To walk with God, inherently requires faith, and I, for one, am learning to take it as it comes.

Life Update (11/15/07): Unexpected Detour

2007-11-08T11:48:00.000-06:00

As many of you know, some personal issues have arisen in my life that I really need to work through before continuing on with the Ordination process. Because of these issues, I have also needed to leave my job at St. John’s Hospital and consequently move out of the apartment they were providing me as the main compensation for that job. I am working through these issues with the help of my pastoral guidance team and would appreciate your prayers for them and me. In the meantime, I have secured a new place to live and will be moving there in the coming weeks. I also had an interview for a mental health job this week and would greatly appreciate your prayers regarding that as well. Thank you again for all your prayers and your continued support throughout this whole process.

Ordination Service On Hold!

2007-10-22T18:27:00.000-05:00

Dear friends and family,

I want to thank each of you all the positive affirmations and encouragements I have received over the past few months as I have worked towards ordination. I have been praying, reflecting, and dialogging with my pastoral guidance team in preparation for this important day. This past week, it has become clear to us all that, due to some personal issues, I am not yet ready to be ordained. So, as of now, the ordination service, which had been scheduled for Sunday, November 4th, 2007 at 4 pm, has been put on hold.

I am sincerely sorry for any inconvenience this causes you and I ask for your patience and forbearance. I am still working towards going into vocational ministry, it’s just at this point, I am not ready to take this step.

I would appreciate your prayers as I seek God’s direction, strength and peace in my continued pursuit of his will and calling for my life.

Trusting in Him with You,

Michel J. Willard

Meaningful Words (9/26/07)

2007-09-26T10:50:00.000-05:00

In beginning to plan my Ordination Service, I have been think a lot about the poems, songs and scriptures that have shaped my life and ministry. Here are a few of the poems I’ve thought of:

Be Still
“Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth.”
-Psalm 46:10

Be still, My child and know that you are loved.
Endless, limitless, eternal love is yours.
My Son paid the price and you are free to come.

Come and know Me
Come and know that you are loved.
Come with no expectations, for they will all be blown away.
Come with no preparations, the price has already been paid
Come with no restrictions for they are only self-imposed
Come desiring nothing, knowing you will receive all that is of true worth.

I am the One Who has loved you since before time began
As you were formed within your mother’s womb
I knew you and called you My chosen one
You are My child and I love you.

Forgiven
The Father:
I have already forgiven your sin.
Why do you bring it before Me again?

I have already washed you clean.
Why do you insist on playing in the dirt?

Accept My forgiveness.
Receive My cleansing.

Why do you cling to that which I have already released you from?
Why do you remain in the dungeon?
The chains have already been broken and the key thrown away.

The gates of iron have been flung wide open
And yet still you cower in this cage of your own making

The light has been shown forth
Yet you prefer the darkness

What more can I do for you, My child?

How else can I bid you come?
The table has already been set and the dinner bell is ringing
Is it possible you have not heard Me calling?

Answer Me and I will give you the desires of your heart.
I am your Father and have always been faithful.
Is this not the truth?
Listen to your heart, My child.
You know Who I am.
You have always known.

His Child:
Come unto me, O Desire of my heart!
Beckon me unto Your Feast, O Satisfier of my deepest hunger!
Dance with Me, O Romancer of my soul!
Set me beside the still waters, O Author of my peace!
Run with me, O my Ever True Companion
Guide my steps, O Victorious Winner of the race set before me!

You Who began this good work in me,
You are my Faithful Father
And You will finish what You have started!
Yes, You will finish what you have started!

Born Cracked
Born into the world a cracked vessel needing to be filled
The world she offers many things to fill it
Yet I always come back wanting more
Each thing feels right at first
But in time they all turn up lacking

Back in the garden we knew what it was to be filled
Back in the garden we knew what it was to be loved
Back in the garden we knew what it was to be accepted
Dear God why did we ever turn away from You the True Source

Cursed to walk this world abandoned, though we are never alone
You pursue us day and night yet still we run
Unable to turn, unable to be filled
Until by grace You extend the hand
And turn us around in Your Embrace

The cross makes this possible
The blood of Jesus fills our cracked vessel
His Blood seals the crack
In Him we are filled
In Him we are loved
In Him we are accepted

Though I know of His Love for me
Though I have soaked in the blood
Still my vessel leaks
Many are the times I know not filling
Many are the times I know not love
Many are the times I know not acceptance

Why is this the case?
Dear God, extend Your Hand
Dear God, send down Your Grace
Turn me around full in Your Embrace.

Let Go
The Father:
I invite you, My child, to let go.
Let go of your need to worry,
for it really does you no good.
Let go of your need to control,
for you really have none.
Let go of your need for a plan,
for I am all you really ever need!

I invite you, My child, to let Me in.
Let Me into your concerns,
for I can bear your load.
Let Me into your life,
for I do know what I am doing.
Let Me into your heart,
for I am the One you were created for.

I invite you, My child,
to know the truth.
Know that I care for you and I will see to your needs.
Know that I am taking care of them even now.
Know that I am Your Faithful Father.

His Child:
Lord, help me to trust when I don’t want to trust
Lord, help me to love when I don’t want to love
Lord, help to give, when I don’t want to give
To give my life to You.

For You, O Lord, are the Lover of my soul
And You, O Lord, are faithful
Yes, You O Lord, will watch over me
And care for me better than I ever could.

Thank you again and again to each and every one of you for joining me again as I share my life and ministry with you through this venue. My prayer for myself and each of you this month is the same one Jesus taught us to pray all those many years ago and continues to teach us even this day:

"Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be your name,
Your kingdom come,
Your will be done
on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us today our daily bread.
Forgive us our debts,
as we also have forgiven our debtors.
And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from the evil one.
for yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever.
Amen.

Sharing My Life (9/26/07): Arriving?

2007-09-26T10:49:00.000-05:00

As I look forward to and plan for my Ordination Service, I find myself pausing and reflecting about what it will mean to be ordained. In the world of chaplaincy, it’s one notch below being Board-Certified, which is my next goal. Yet even after that, there will still be ongoing work and continual growth and improvement. Which brings me to the question, will I ever actually arrive in my ministry as a chaplain or even in my ministry in general? Will I ever get to the point where I can say I am finally doing the ministry God called me to? Or maybe I have arrived already. Maybe I am already ministering in the area where God has called me. Sometimes I get so into planning for and looking forward to my future ministry that I miss the opportunities right around me here and now. And maybe I’m not the only one? ;-)

Life Update (9/26/07): Get Your Calendars Ready!!

2007-09-26T10:43:00.000-05:00

I met with Calvary’s Ordination Council a few weeks ago and they unanimously decided to recommend me for ordination! There were about twelve pastors there from five local churches and they asked me about various things from my opinions about infant baptism all the way to how I thought my view of the end times effected how I lived currently. There were a few questions that caught me off guard, but as a whole I think I handled myself pretty well with them, thank God. The council did suggest I get a mentor to help me develop my theology more, so I’ll be working on that as my pastor and I plan for the Ordination Service.

The Ordination Service is set to happen on Sunday, November 4th 2007 at Calvary Baptist Church, 2120 Lexington Ave. N., Roseville, MN 55113 at 4 pm in their Worship Center. I have invited Barry Jass, the pastor at Cornerstone Church, where I attended throughout my four years at Bethel Seminary, to give the main message and there will also be an opportunity for people to come up an lay hands on me in prayer for my continuing ministry. So, put the date on your calendars and come one, come all. I’d love to see any and all of you there.

A Vision for What We Can Become as the Church

2007-09-09T16:07:00.000-05:00

Over the years I have been involved in a number of different churches both in a leadership role and as a lay person, and in through that involvement I have seen our weaknesses and strengths as the present body of Christ. I have also dreamed of what we could become. This is not a dream for any specific church, but for the Church at large. It is for Christ’s body throughout the United States and the world.

In the fourth chapter of his letter to the church in Ephesus, Paul writes to that church about the critical need to work together as a united body of Christ. He points out the gifts that each of us, as believers in Christ, have been given and says that these gifts are given to us to help us build each other up in Christ. These gifts lend are given to us to help us take part in the church through our roles therein and the culmination of that build-up is seen as the unification of the church. Through that unity we each and all will become what Christ dreamed for us to become. Indeed we will become what He gave His very life for us to become.

Maybe it’s just me, but whenever I read that passage I get chills. According to Paul we can become and do so much as a unified body of Christ, yet today we, as His body, are really pretty divided. We are divided by race, by politics, by age, by gender, by theology, by belief, by worship style, the list goes on. You name it and we are divided by it. It would almost seem that the very gifts that God has given us to make us each wonderfully unique children of God and to unite us as His diverse and harmonious body are the very things that divide us and keep us from being all that we were meant to be in Christ. Though Paul doesn’t come right out and say it, it seems pretty clear to me that there are things God means for us to do and become that we cannot in our current divided state.

Yet there is more to it than just coming together as a united body of Christ. The Holy Spirit has given us each gifts to share and roles in which to serve God as we work together to become all that He created us to become and do all that He dreamed we would do. Paul writes here of roles within the church, yet I believe his message also applies to almost every profession in the world today. Whether we be pastors, lawyers, doctors, nurses, social workers, counselors, janitors, carpenters, fill in the blank. Whatever role we have in the world is also meant to be our role in the church. For the church is more than just a building or denomination or a single small body of believers. It is each an every one of us who call ourselves Christians and are called by God in Christ working together to make a difference in this world through Christ for God.

What is this difference we were called to make? I believe we each and all already know the answer to that question. We may each articulate differently according to our own traditions and religious backgrounds, but I believe each and every one of you can agree that the Church exists to save the world. Indeed, probably the most know Bible verse in the world today, John 3:16, states just that: Christ came into the world to save it. And we, as His body, have the same mission. We exist to save the world!
Yet we cannot save the world in our current broken state. There are so many mission organizations, so many churches, so many ministries all working towards this same goal, yet so often we end up coming short. So often we become convinced that only we, in our ministry or our church or our mission, have the one right way of accomplishing the mission, that we miss the point. That point is that no one church or ministry or mission can do it alone, nor were we even meant to. We were meant to work together, each contributing our strengths and compensating for each other’s weaknesses.

This is my dream and my vision for the body of Christ. I dream the broken souls throughout the world would come to our doors and find there the healing they need. Healing for the soul through prayer, worship and biblical teaching; healing for their finances through financial assistance and planning; healing for their social needs through counseling and social networking; healing for the legal needs through legal advice and counsel; healing for their medical needs through healthcare; again the list goes on. The brokenness of our world is multi-faceted and it’s salvation is meant to be just as diverse. We each have gifts to give and a role to play, and the world has yet to experience what we are meant to be, the body of Christ dwelling and working together in unity!

Meaningful Words (9/4/07)

2007-09-04T15:41:00.000-05:00

A week or so after I got the news from Saint Cloud, I got Overdressed, the latest CD from Caedmon’s Call, one of my favorite bands. I broke the seal, started to listen and found many of the songs really applicable to my current situation. Here are a few favorites:

Hold the Light
it’s been a long year
like a long sleepness night
Jacob wrestled the angel
but I’m too tired to fight
Every Wednesday
for two years we’ve met
I’ve showed you all my anger,
my doubts and bitterness

there was no judgment in your eyes
just the silent peace of God
that felt so real in you

will you hold the light for me?

and I stay up late
because I cannot sleep
I don’t want to face the quiet
where its just God and me

I’m waiting for the gavel
handing me the sentence down
because I don’t believe forgiveness
or even repentance now

I want to feel redemption
flowing through my veins
I want to see with clear eyes
beyond lust and hate
I want the war to be over
and know the good guys won
and I want love to hold me
to know I’m not alone

standing around a willow weeping
we were praying in the backyard
in the chill of the night
the friendship light reminded me who we are

Expectations
that boy had the highest of expectations
and he heard that Jesus would fill him up
maybe something got lost in the language
if this was full, then why bother?

this was not the way it looked on the billboard
smiling family beaming down on the interstate

and you know that we all try to blame someone
when our dreams won’t rise up from their sleep
and the reaching of the steeple felt like one more
expensive ad for something cheap

he dressed up nice for the congregation
scared somebody’s gonna find him out
through the din and the clatter of the hallelujahs
a stained-glass Jesus sings.

Start Again
I have a constant need for motion
I need to leave the past behind
to see all the good things I left dying
come to life
for so long I let the lies deceive me
and I let them take their toll
but I’m growing tired of the illusion
I am in control

you are there in all my histories
my victories and pains
you are there in all my shadows
with forgiveness you are waiting

when I need a place to hide
when I need a place to hide

I need hope to start again
I need hope to start again
you give me hope, and I need hope to start again

into my own hands I take matters
cause deep in my heart I stole the throne
where you have always led so faithfully
I know
doesn’t it seem I’m always running
and most of the time it’s not to you
(all other ground is sinking sand)
give me faith to know
your promises are true

here is the place where I face my secrets
and where I lay them down

Thank you to each and every one of you for joining me again as I share my life and ministry with you through this venue. As I think about how to close this letter out, I keep coming back to Paul’s exhortation for church unity in Ephesians 4: “As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit—just as you were called to one hope when you were called— one Lord, one faith, one baptism; 6one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all.” Paul then goes on to talk about how we as a church need to come together in unity to fully mature in Christ. It’s almost as if he’s saying there are things we are only capable of doing and being as one united church. We are only capable of doing so much in our present divided state. So, let us work together to help each other be all we can be in Him.

Sharing My Life (9/4/07): Rejoicing in the present moments

2007-09-04T15:39:00.000-05:00

Being turned down by Saint Cloud really caused me to rethink how I think about God’s will for my life. I realized that part of the reason I was really disappointed is that I had been under the impression that it was God’s will that I be in Saint Cloud working full time as a chaplain there. Getting rejected kind of opened my eyes to the idea that maybe I don’t need to know what God’s will is that far down the path. All I really need to worry about is the time I have right here in front of me. The past is gone and cannot be change no matter how much I fret about it. The future is in God’s hands and only He knows what’s going to happen then. But this present moment, this piece of time is mine and God has given me everything I need to fully serve Him in it (Matthew 6:25-34).

Life Update (9/4/07): Staying around here

2007-09-04T15:37:00.000-05:00

About a week and a half after I interviewed with Saint Cloud Hospital, they informed me that the position had been filled. At first I was a bit disappointed, but in the days and weeks that followed I am learning to be thankful for the opportunities I do have to work and minister, and not focus so much on the closed doors. My volunteer ministry work with Christian Student Fellowship is beginning to take shape and my work with St. John’s and St. Joe’s is continuing. Also, my Ordination Council is all set for Friday, September 14th at Calvary. Please keep me in prayer as I continue to serve God in the venues He has set before me. Thank you!

In addition, plans for my birthday celebration are coming together quickly now. The party itself is set for Wednesday, September 12th from 6-10 pm. Those coming are asked to bring their own food and beverage, as well as a group game to share, if they like. I am open to hanging out with people throughout that day and week to celebrate my birthday if they are unable to make it to the party. So, anyone in town, feel free to come on down and celebrate God’s work in and through me for another year!

Another cool video from GodTube

2007-08-18T09:54:00.000-05:00

Cool Video from GodTube.com

2007-07-31T20:55:00.000-05:00